Don't Believe the Truth

I bought the new Oasis CD today, Don't Believe the Truth, and it is good.

Really good.

I want to be friends with it.

Next Tuesday!!! Both the new White Stripes and the new Coldplay will be released. I'm so excited I might pee myself.

That's hot

Paris Hilton is engaged to shipping heir Paris Latsis. I can't tell you how much I hope they write their own vows.

What a jackass.

Man leaps from speeding car in pursuit of a puff.

People's stupidity never ceases to amaze me.

Removing the Leg-Humping Stigma

Alternative Training School for Dogs De-Emphasizes Obedience.

(Courtesy of the Onion).

So this is what withdrawal feels like...

After a really shitty day at work, I thought I'd cheer myself up by reading some bad query letters -- only to have blogger shoot me this message: "The requested URL was not found on this server."

Panic has set in. How in God's name shall I waste my time????

Tom Cruise is nuts

No kidding.

If you didn't see the Oprah show today, you can see a 30-second clip here. He was running around, jumping up and down, pounding his fists on the floor, jumping on the couch -- all because of his newfound love for Katie Holmes, whom he subsequently brought out onto the stage. Holmes seemed flattered, but not completely comfortable, and maybe just a little overwhelmed.

My mom said he seemed like a young boy talking about his first girlfriend. I, however, found him more to be along the lines of a young boy with ADHD not yet exposed to Ritalin. It was... strange, to say the least.

Crazy cat lady

A woman in New Jersey named Marlene Kess was cited for having 200 dead, rotting cat carcasses in her backyard in trash bags.

Kess is the founder and executive director of Kitty-Kind, which runs one of New York City's no-kill shelters. She says that the cats died of natural causes, but the SPCA of Newark is still investigating.

Kess was charged with health code and animal welfare violations.

Can you even imagine how bad that house must stink????

Yikes.

Just when you think that Bai Ling couldn't have worse taste, she goes out in some atrocity like this.

I'm pretty sure this is something that Victoria's Secret used to sell. And no, I'm really not kidding.

My horoscope

My horoscope in this week's Onion is so fantastic:

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)All right, Scorpio is going to say this for the last fucking time: With an apostrophe, it means "it is" and without an apostrophe, it means "belonging to it." This is really not that hard.

And while you're at it, be sure to read the Opinion column, "A Gentleman Never Discloses Who Sucked Him Off." I laughed until I cried.

Wow.

Kevin Federline and his meal ticket, Britney Spears, premiered their reality show "Chaotic" tonight on UPN.

It's like a train wreck. There are no words to even describe what complete morons these two are.

While wandering through Target today...

... I saw the movie "First Daughter" on the DVD shelves. Do you think this was the film that caught Tom Cruise's eye and prompted him to ask Katie Holmes out on a date? Just wondering.

Jennifer Garner's knocked up.

At least, according to this report she is. You know how those reporters like to gossip.

Seriously?

Apparently, Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney got married yesterday in St. John. They had only gone public with their relationship days ago, and they've been dating for a mere 4 months before tying the knot. Well, good for them, I guess.

I wonder if Jack White or Damien Rice were invited to the ceremony.

Top 50 Ways to Get Fired

Man, I really wish I had discovered these last week before I left my other job...

Tomorrow!!

Great new summer music continues with the release of Dave Matthews Band's newest effort, "Stand Up."

And just a little follow-up on NIN's "With Teeth" : It's awesome.

You're welcome.

Let the summer of good music begin...

Nine Inch Nails released their first disc in something like five years today, called With Teeth.

I am now going to promptly turn off my computer, get in my car and go purchase it.

Heart attack on a bun

A restaurant in Clearfield, PA has unveiled a 15-lb. burger on its menu.

Seriously.

Phone fun with Howard Stern

While listening to Howard Stern this morning, I listened to a clip he found on the internet of a woman calling 911 -- because her burger wasn't being made to her satisfaction at Burger King.

The funniest part of the call, though, is when the woman tells the dispatcher, "You're supposed to protect me!" The dispatcher responds, "Protect you from what, ma'am? A poorly made burger?"

People are such idiots.

Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!

This guy in N. Carolina found a chopped-off finger bit in his pint of frozen custard.

Read this tasty little tidbit from the article:
Stowers, who did not immediately return calls Monday from The Associated Press, told the station: "I thought it was candy because they put candy in your ice cream ... to make it a treat. So I said, 'OK, well, I'll just put it in my mouth and get the ice cream off of it and see what it is.'"
Stowers said he spit the object out, but still couldn't identify it. So he went to his kitchen, rinsed it off with water — and "just started screaming."

I'm going to go vomit now.