So... wrong.

From the Onion: "Fellow Cheerleaders Rally Cheer of Support for Recently Raped Teammate."

Where do they come up with this shit??

Open letters to Tom Cruise

Dear Tom Cruise,
Thank you ever so much for your increasingly frenetic pursuit of world domination. Your obsessive nature regarding scientology, "Kate" Holmes and convincing the world that you are, in fact, a heterosexual, has taken a lot of heat off of me and my baby daddy lately. 'Cuz let me tell you, brother... we needed a break! It is so selfless of you to take over that burden of having all eyes on you. It is so refreshing to have the media recording your every ridiculous move, instead of ours! Frankly, it got old pretty quick for us, but you've really taken a shine to it, mister. You and Katie should think about doing a reality show for UPN -- ours is done now, so they've got the open time slot and everything. Just tell Kate to wear shoes in public restrooms -- people get all uppity when you don't. Best of luck, and thanks again!!
Love,
Britney and K-Fed
PS -- If you want fried chicken and grits at yours and Katie's wedding, we know the BEST caterer!!!
PPS -- If you do decide to do a reality show, make pig faces into the camera. It is so so hilarious!!!!
PPPS -- If you need help getting Katie pregnant to help convince everyone that you are so not gay, Kevin totally kicks ass at getting chicks knocked up. Just putting it out there...


Dear Tom Cruise,
Your timing couldn't have been better. Thanks for being so whack-ass crazy, and making me seem less so.
Love,
Michael Jackson

Thank you, Best Buy.

Tomorrow, Best Buy is releasing a 6-episode DVD of Welcome Back, Kotter. It's about damn time. You can get Sanford & Son, Saved By the Bell or Golden Girls with no problem on DVD -- but until now, no Sweathogs. That's just inexcusable, and I demand an apology for having to wait so long.

And speaking of Tom and Katie...

Katwoman79 over at Query Letters was kind of enough to let us all in on the phenom that is freekatie.net.

Anyone can feel free to buy me the "We're Totally In Love World Tour 2005" t-shirt. I'm a small. Thanks.

OK, we get it.

Have you heard? Tom Cruise likes "Kate" Holmes. I know, I know, it's a surprise to me as well. They've done a really nice job of keeping it to themselves. But somehow, they let this tender moment be seen by the masses.

I'll tell ya... these crazy actors with their Scientology and their make-out parties...

Does your friend have a name, or should I just call him "lawyer"?

Bladestorm over at Query Letters sent us this link to the Official Lawyer Website -- you must have your volume on for this one, because it really completes the whole experience.

Not really sure what it's all about, but it's fantastic.

At the car wash

I took my dirty little Honda over to Chester for a car wash today. I pulled up to where they vacuum out the inside, and they drive it through from there. I told the guy what I wanted, he handed me the ticket, and I walked inside. So I was standing there, waiting for my car to come through, and the vacuuming seemed to be taking a long time. So I stuck my head out the door just to see if everything's OK -- and one of the vacuum-ers has got the vacuum to the side while he's digging through my change cup, picking up coins and holding them up, then pocketing them. I was astounded. First of all, how do you have the balls to steal from someone while you're on the job and you know they're just around the corner?? And second of all, are you really that desperate for change???? I didn't say anything, but he did look up and see me, and he tried to pretend he was, I don't know, vacuuming my change cup or something. He didn't even pretend to be ashamed that I was watching him do this. I could've reported it to the manager, I guess, but it was only change -- obviously, he needs it more than I do. Clearly, I will not be patronizing this business again.

When they're not busy fighting Foo...

... The Foo Fighters are making some kick-ass music. I bought the new double-disc this week, and I'm pleased. Well... half-pleased. One disc is like their other stuff, the other is an acoustic disc with a much softer sound. The first rocks completely. The latter kind of makes me sleepy. I thought we'd get more of an acoustic "Everlong"-type set, but no such luck. It's just OK.

After three, long, love-filled months...

...Tom Cruise proposed to Katie Holmes. Is this not completely strange? Will her family not step in and tell her that he's a total nutbag? It's disturbing to watch... and yet I find I can't look away...

Pedophilia now legal in the state of California

Michael Jackson was acquitted of all charges yesterday.

New Releases

I bought the new White Stripes CD, Get Behind Me, Satan and the new Coldplay CD, X&Y yesterday. The White Stripes disc kicks ass. It's definitely not Elephant, part 2, but it's good in an entirely different way. As for the Coldplay CD... it's not bad. It's not great, either. I thought their first two CD's were much stronger, and the songs were more distinctive. Maybe I just need to listen to it more and let it grow on me. It's nice and mellow, though.

Next up: FOO FIGHTERS!! Tuesday, June 14th.

Oh, and it was also my brother-in-law's birthday yesterday. Happy Birthday, Jack!

It's rainin' men... alleluia!

Man's leg lands in yard.

Thanks to Eve for finding and sending me that gem!!

Crazy ebay lady

You've got to see this. My dad's a packrat, but he's got nothing on this bitch.

On a cliffhanger, no less.

HBO has cancelled Carnivale. I am SO pissed. And yet they'll continue with Deadwood and Entourage. Hooray.