Emmy's, Part 3

I guess I had more fodder than I originally thought, huh? And to think, I stopped watching about halfway through and went to bed. Anyone know who won? Just kidding. I don't really care. Let's get back to the bitchfest:

Melissa Rivers:

Honey, in the name of all that is holy, put those away. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but no one considers you to be a "real" celebrity, and we most definitely have no interest in seeing your nincompoops, no matter how saggy they might be. By the way, isn't your mother, like, the plastic surgery queen of America? You'd think she would've staged an intervention by now... yikes.

Vanessa Minillo:

You know, everyone's making such a big deal out of how horrific this dress is, and really... it is. She looks like like she should be attempting a triple lutz jump at the Ice Capades. But she's still banging Nick Lachey, and you're not, so you can kiss her perfectly toned, tan ass. Bitches.

Tracy Gold:

Wow, who thought to invite Peter Pan? This dress is just not flattering on anyone, but Tracy Gold especially. If anyone was going to wear this, it should be... well, Peter Pan. Anyway, it's nice that Tracy Gold was invited to the Emmy's. Anyone know how that might have happened? Because I feel like, if that's the case, I should have scored an invite. And I wouldn't have worn that.

Heidi Klum and Seal:

This couple is so good-looking that it's just unfair. And she's pregnant!!! Pretty far along, too!! Britney, my darling, take note. THIS is how you rock pregnancy.

(Photos courtesy of MSN Entertainment).