Up your nose with a rubber hose
This is totally unacceptable: Ice Cube will be playing the title character in the film remake of "Welcome Back, Kotter."
OK, let's talk about some very serious issues with this.... first of all, please understand that I am a HUGE "Welcome Back, Kotter" fan. When Best Buy released a six-episode DVD of "Kotter," I just about peed myself with excitement. I was there when the doors opened on the day it was released. I wish I was kidding, but sadly, it's true. But it is classic! So is nothing sacred anymore? I understand that Hollywood has no fresh ideas for original movies, so they have to make film versions of shows that, let's face it, weren't all that good to begin with -- just campy. But "Kotter" really was a quality show. If you watch it now, it's still funny. Oh, god, it makes me sick!! You just KNOW they're going to ruin it!!
Secondly, Ice Cube? Nothing against Mr. Cube -- I actually think he's great -- but Mr. Kotter he most certainly is NOT. All due respect, Ice, but I know Mr. Kotter -- and you, sir, are no Mr. Kotter.
And who, I demand of you, could possibly play Vinnie Barbarino besides a young, virile, pre-Scientology, pre-sideburns, pre-Battlefield Earth John Travolta?? No one. No -- don't even try to suggest anyone. There's no one. If I find out that Ashton "Dufus" Kutcher is in negotiations for that role, I'm taking his ass out. I'm not kidding.
Oh, and lastly: If Jessica Simpson is tied into this project in any way, shape or form, I am quitting LIFE.
As a sidebar, however, I'd like to wage guesses on which other old TV shows will soon be turned into bastardized versions of themselves in film form:
1) Knight Rider -- C'mon. That show's just asking for Ben Stiller to remake it.
2) Three's Company -- I can assure you, Jessica Simpson is a front-runner for Chrissy/Cindy.
3) Perfect Strangers -- It couldn't get any worse
4) Punky Brewster -- Guaranteed cameo from Soleil Moon Frye
5) Falcon Crest -- Why not? They're doing Dallas.
6) My Two Dads -- Remember that?? Wow, I just surprised myself with that one!
7) Happy Days -- I don't know, it just seems obvious.
Those are my lucky #7... anyone else care to take a guess?
OK, let's talk about some very serious issues with this.... first of all, please understand that I am a HUGE "Welcome Back, Kotter" fan. When Best Buy released a six-episode DVD of "Kotter," I just about peed myself with excitement. I was there when the doors opened on the day it was released. I wish I was kidding, but sadly, it's true. But it is classic! So is nothing sacred anymore? I understand that Hollywood has no fresh ideas for original movies, so they have to make film versions of shows that, let's face it, weren't all that good to begin with -- just campy. But "Kotter" really was a quality show. If you watch it now, it's still funny. Oh, god, it makes me sick!! You just KNOW they're going to ruin it!!
Secondly, Ice Cube? Nothing against Mr. Cube -- I actually think he's great -- but Mr. Kotter he most certainly is NOT. All due respect, Ice, but I know Mr. Kotter -- and you, sir, are no Mr. Kotter.
And who, I demand of you, could possibly play Vinnie Barbarino besides a young, virile, pre-Scientology, pre-sideburns, pre-Battlefield Earth John Travolta?? No one. No -- don't even try to suggest anyone. There's no one. If I find out that Ashton "Dufus" Kutcher is in negotiations for that role, I'm taking his ass out. I'm not kidding.
Oh, and lastly: If Jessica Simpson is tied into this project in any way, shape or form, I am quitting LIFE.
As a sidebar, however, I'd like to wage guesses on which other old TV shows will soon be turned into bastardized versions of themselves in film form:
1) Knight Rider -- C'mon. That show's just asking for Ben Stiller to remake it.
2) Three's Company -- I can assure you, Jessica Simpson is a front-runner for Chrissy/Cindy.
3) Perfect Strangers -- It couldn't get any worse
4) Punky Brewster -- Guaranteed cameo from Soleil Moon Frye
5) Falcon Crest -- Why not? They're doing Dallas.
6) My Two Dads -- Remember that?? Wow, I just surprised myself with that one!
7) Happy Days -- I don't know, it just seems obvious.
Those are my lucky #7... anyone else care to take a guess?
posted by RockSteady @ 7:38 PM
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