My two cents: Fashion edition

Perhaps I'll be showing my age a bit with this post, but I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway. The state of fashion today really concerns me. I like to think that I am pretty stylish, and I like to keep up with most trends. However, there are many trends popping up lately in every magazine, store, catalogue, TV show, etc. that are just so bad that there is nothing that will ever make me want to wear any of it. They are as follows, in no particular order of my hatred for them:

Skinny jeans: To be honest, I'm actually on the fence about the skinny jeans. I've seen them look good on a few people -- but only if they are very tall and very thin. Lucky for me, I actually am both of these things. But I also have skinny ankles and big feet. How can I possibly make skinny jeans look cute on me with that combination? Personally, I am still clinging on for dear life to my flared and boot-cut jeans. Anyway, on the right person, I'll concede that these can be cute. However, I'm not sold on them being for me, and most definitely not for everyone.

UGGS (Or any knock-off): I just don't get this trend. I understand that they're very warm, and that somehow, they also keep your feet really cool in the summer. I don't get the logistics of that last part, but I'm not going to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I'll go as far as being all right with them on a snowy day. BUT. These boots are ugly, make no mistake about it. They make your feet look like boats, and worn with anything but a snowsuit, they look positively ridiculous. If I see one more girl walking around the mall in a mini skirt, a tank top and these boots right now, in the middle of February, when there is SNOW ON THE GROUND, talking about "My whole body is so warm, just because of these boots. I could be naked with only these boots on, and I'd be as snug as a bug," I am just going to snap. I don't believe you, not for a second. Take off those godawful boots and put on some damn clothes.

Bermuda shorts: First of all, I'm just not a big shorts girl. But if you're going to wear shorts... you know, wear shorts. These pictured above? Not shorts. They're half-pants. I'm glad to see we're moving away from the trend that was shorts that were basically underwear, because there were many, many times I saw girls in Daisy Duke-type shorts and saw parts of their anatomy that I don't believe they necessarily meant for the outside world to see. So that part is a good thing. But maybe we could find a halfway point? Literally? I'd also like to add the Fug girls' thoughts on shorts in general, just because I totally love those bitches: "You know how aggravated we are that when we went shopping for skirts on Saturday, we couldn't find any, because apparently shorts are the new skirts and nobody's bothering to make clothes any more for people who don't want each thigh to be encased in its very own fabric tube (unless they are boho skirts, and that simply won't do at all)."

I Dream of Jeannie: I don't even know what the hell these are. Unless you live in a bottle, these pants are right for no one.

Cowboy boots: Reincarnated thanks to movies such as Brokeback Mountain and the cinematic masterpiece that was The Dukes of Hazzard, these boots are on the front table of literally every single shoe store or shoe department I've been in for the last six months. The only thing that makes me feel better is the chuckle I have thinking about the people who will pull these boots out of the bottom of their closets next year and curse themselves for having blown $200 on a fad that lasted a hot minute.

This entire outfit, but especially the leggings: I totally hold Sienna Miller fully responsible for this legging trend. It is everywhere I look, and now the big thing I see are the leggings worn under mini skirts (and usually accompanied by a pair of horrible Ugg boots). There is a reason why we did away with the leggings the first time around. They show every single flaw your lower half is even thinking about having. Oh, and two words: Yeast infection. Sorry to be crass, but you know it's true.

Gaucho pants: Show me one woman who doesn't get a cameltoe while wearing these. Just one. I dare you. You can't do it, can you??

In closing, I leave you with these final thoughts: I experienced 80s fashion when it actually was the 80s. Those clothes were unflattering, unappealing, and flat-out unkind. Just leave them be, I beg of you. They're really not worthy of a second chance. And if I see shoulder pads ANYWHERE, I am moving to a nudist colony, and not looking back.

(Photos courtesy of Victoria's Secret).