First Daughter

Behold! The spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has been born today -- a little girl named Suri.

I'm actually surprised there was only one kid in there. Have you seen these pictures of Katie Holmes from just a week or so ago?? That stomach was disturbing, to say the least.

But I digress. Welcome to the world, little Suri. May your Scientology lessons be fruitful, your soccer games well-attended, your veneers shiny and bright, your couch-jumping plentiful, and your lip-biting activity ever-present. God -- er, L. Ron Hubbard -- bless.

PS -- An ironic twist of fate: Brooke Shields had her second baby girl today, named Grier Hammond. Good luck with that post-partum, girls. Especially you, Katie!