An ode to stuff on cars that makes me crazy...

After sitting in a crapload of traffic today, I decided to make a mental list of things on cars that make me absolutely insane. Now, mind you, this list is restricted only to stupid things on cars. I am well aware that there are plenty of stupid things happening in cars as well, but that's a (long) post for another day. Let's get started!

1) "It's a Jeep thing, you wouldn't understand" window decals. I suppose I don't understand. But what makes you so sure I wouldn't understand? Perhaps I would, if you would explain what this mysterious "Jeep thing" was that you're referring to. I've driven a Jeep several times, too. This "Jeep thing" you speak of still alludes me. Since I've driven the Jeep, shouldn't I understand? You know what? You're right. I probably wouldn't understand.

2) The memorial decals. I've seen these EVERYWHERE! "In Loving Memory of John Smith" or "Always in Our Hearts" (and apparently, always in our cars). I'm going to go out on a limb and say that that 90% of the people who have memorials dedicated to them on the back of some beat-up Pinto didn't have that in mind for the way they wanted to be immortalized. I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say this is one of the worst possible ways to remember a loved one. Note to friends and loved ones: should I die, DON'T do this to your cars. And don't do the t-shirt memorials, either. I've seen them, too, and they're equally frightening.

3) Bumper stickers -- but only certain ones. Don't get me wrong, I love a good, clever bumper sticker as much as the next guy, but there are some that I feel the need to speak out against. They are as follows:

A) Kerry/Edwards bumper stickers: OK, I hate to be the one to tell y'all this, but George W. Bush won this last election. Seriously. They're not going to change their minds and do a re-count now. It's over, and it's time to let it go already. Time to whip out the goo-gone and take those suckers off.

B) Pro-Life stickers: I am all for people's freedom of speech, and also their freedom the choose. The choosing part, I know, also includes choosing life. But you know what? I don't need to hear about it when I'm driving to work. Have you seen some of these stickers? They are out of control!!!!

C) "Git 'R' Done": Can someone please, for the love of God, please explain this redneck expression to me, and why I have to see it on every blessed pick-up truck I see? All they need are a nice pair of bumper nuts* to go with it... Perhaps it's like a Jeep thing, and I just don't understand.

*I have yet to see bumper nuts on a vehicle. But as you can see from the link, they are in fact real. My boyfriend informs me he's seen them, as have others.

4) Spinners: Why do your rims need to spin? It's not cool, it's a stupid waste of money. Idiot.

5) Neon-rimmed license plates and what I can only refer to as glow sticks underneath the car: Point?

6) Spoilers: I'm not even referring to all spoilers. The small ones don't bother me. I'm just talking about the ones that make your Honda Civic look like a shopping cart.

That's all that comes to mind right now... you guys have any?