Rock Steady Vibe

Look what I can do!!!!

2007-06-27T11:24:00.001-05:00

I made up with Blogger and we're totally back together!!! Woooo!!!!!

"I see you still look like a 15-year-old girl, but not hot."

2007-04-15T12:44:00.000-05:00

The fiancee and I went to see Blades of Glory last night, because Will Ferrell is hilarious and should be worshiped as a god. And I think Jon Heder's actually pretty funny, too.

However, this one just warrants an "Ehhh." There were some funny parts, but if you've seen any of the commercials for this movie, you've seen most of them. Kinda disappointing.

You know what's NOT disappointing, though???? The fact that Nine Inch Nails is coming out with "Year Zero" on Tuesday, April 17th. THAT, my friend, is the direct opposite of disappointing! Trent Reznor's the effing man.

Captain Obvious

2007-04-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

So after the Fiancee and I had bellied up to the bar last night, the local Fox news weather report came on the TV. As you may or may not know, our area is being deluged with rain with an off-season Nor'easter, and the dimwits down at Fox decided to give the public some "tips" in the case we should find ourselves amidst some major flooding.

Obvious Tip #1: Get to the highest point. (Duh, but OK).

Obvious Tip #2: Keep yourself facing the deepest point of the water. (Duh, but some people are stupid, so OK).

Obvious, and most important, Tip #3: DON'T DROWN.

I really wish I was making this up. But I swear on all that is holy, it is true. It was even printed across the screen, so it's not like it was even a chance I misheard him.

Mediocrity, thy name is Fox Philadelphia.

"Like the Blind Leading the Tone-Deaf"

2007-04-12T13:31:00.000-05:00

I'll admit it: I'm a not-so-closeted fan of "American Idol." It's not something I'm particularly proud of, but it is what it is. And despite my distaste for one Ms. Jennifer Lopez, I still tuned in last night to watch her live performance on the show. And if I may, I'll use the words of Mr. Simon Cowell in review of her performance: I didn't hate it. Don't take that to mean that it was necessarily good... I'm just saying I didn't hate it.

That being said, Rolling Stone posted a little blip today about her performing on the show, and how it's absolutely hilarious how someone like Jennifer Lopez, who really can't sing worth a damn, was giving singing advice to Idol hopefuls. Gotta love it.

On another note entirely: thank god America finally came to their senses about Haley "Is this a pageant??" Scarnato. Now if we could just on-board everyone with getting rid of Sanjaya "Teflon" Malakar.

Damn.

2007-04-12T13:19:00.000-05:00

We lost one of the great American novelists today: Kurt Vonnegut. He died today at the age of 84.

Vonnegut was an amazing influence on literature, and I could wax poetic for ages about his works. But I'll just let a quote from Gore Vidal sum it all up: "He was sort of like nobody else... Kurt was never dull." Rest in peace, Kurt.

(Photo courtesy of rollingstone.com).

Keith Richards is NO JOKE.

2007-04-03T18:51:00.000-05:00

Someone went ahead and asked Keith Richards what the strangest thing he ever tried to snort, and he came up with this gem: "My father." Turns out that Richards mashed his father's cremated remains in with some blow and took a sniff.

I think the phrase you're searching for right now is: "Holy shit."

And yet... I still love him.

This is what glamorous looks like.

2007-03-19T22:41:00.000-05:00

First of all, I'd like to announce that this picture brings me that much closer to proving that Fergie is, in fact, a man:
Secondly, it reminds me of when I was about 7 years old and I "borrowed" my older sister's lipstick that was about the same color and tried it out. My mom then piled me and my brother into the car to take us somewhere, and my brother made fun of me the whole way over because, by his terminology, I had "circus lips." Then I cried, my mom made me wipe it off, and then I cried some more. Good times.

(Photo courtesy of The Superficial.)

TV junkie

2007-03-12T22:25:00.000-05:00

With only a few weeks left to go before the completion of my winter hibernation, I've been watching an inordinate amount of TV. Dirt, Grey's Anatomy, The Office, Man vs. Wild and Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe take up most of my time, and I am, to some degree, obsessive about each one of them. But a couple of new ones have popped up on the radar that I feel we should discuss.

The Riches:
Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver are the headliners in FX's newest TV drama that premiered tonight. I think this show has a lot of potential, although I wasn't bowled over by tonight's episode (although the opening scene was terrific). However, I read a review in the paper that said this show doesn't really hit its stride until about the 3rd episode, so we'll give it some time. Again, though: FX is bringing the heat!

The Sarah Silverman Program:

OK, so I know I'm a day late and a dollar short on this one, but I am just catching up with all the episodes on Comedy Central, and I am completely hooked. I think Sarah Silverman is one of the funniest comedians out there right now, and her show is absolutely hilarious. It's so off-beat and wrong on so many levels... just the way I like it!!! This is definitely one of those shows I will need to buy on DVD when it comes out. Sample quote, just to give you an idea of what you'll be getting into: "I stubbed my vagina."

Dirt tomorrow!

Oh, by the way...

2007-02-28T12:08:00.000-05:00

What's up with Britney?
I guess she should at least be flattered that she inspired Jack Nicholson to do the same to his own head:

Oscar Round-up

2007-02-27T19:44:00.000-05:00

Slacker, thy name is RockSteady. Before anyone says anything, I know I have really sucked exponentially about posting lately. But I'm going to try to make up for it with an Oscar post extravaganza, and maybe we can once again go back to being friends. What do you say??

I'm going to try and do this pretty much all in one post, because the Golden Globes got a little out of control. Plus, I thought the Oscars this year were a little... dare I say, lame? Aside from Scorsese winning his long-overdue Academy Award for best actor, and The Departed winning for Best Picture, and some other highlights that were few and far between, I thought this year was devastatingly boring. I'll make of it what I will, for your entertainment value. See how I look out for you??? So here it goes, and we'll start with my very favorite look of the evening:

Reese Witherspoon:
I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever seen Reese look more beautiful. This dress was stunning, and aside from that, she looks fantastic. However, I would've loved to slap Debbie Matenopoulos clear across the face when she commented that "divorce was the best thing to ever happen to Reese Witherspoon," or something along those lines. Someone really needs to take that girl out back and shoot her. Not Reese, but Debbie... in case there was confusion.

Now, onto the bad - Sally Kirkland:
Lord only knows who this freakshow is, or why she was invited to the Oscars, but I was not. Obviously, she knows no one has any idea who she is, so she attached a garish-colored tarp to her dress to draw as much attention to herself as possible. And you know what? It worked. Damn!

Favorite song of the evening - the performance by Will Ferrell, Jack Black and John C. Reilly:

I really think Will Ferrell could stand in front of a camera and read a phone book verbatim and I'd watch him without blinking an eye. The man is absolutely hilarious, and so are the other two. This bit was one of the few highlights of the evening.

From the "What the hell IS that?" category - Kiki Dunst:

It's actually not horrible. Really. But there's just waaaaaay too much going on. But with Kiki, it's just too easy. It's like she's trying to get on the worst-dressed lists.

Soooo pretty... AND pregnant! Naomi Watts:

I think Naomi Watts is so unbelievably gorgeous, that's it's actually kind of unfair to the rest of us. But it's hard to stay mad at her, so I'll just say she looked lovely in yellow, and I'm sure her baby will be beautiful as well.

Nicole Kidman:

You know, when I first saw Nicole Kidman on the red carpet, I thought, "Oh no, that bow is a disaster." But the more I looked at her in the dress, it really appealed to me. The oversized bow was a huge, embarrassing failure on Charlize Theron last year, but this year was Nic's year. Well played. And fantastic choice of color!

Penelope Cruz:

Words cannot express how much I despise this dress. She looks like she shaved an ostrich and stapled its feathers to the bottom of her dress. And her hair is pulled back so severely that she HAD to have a splitting headache all day the next day. Just... no. No.

Rachel Weisz:
This was another one of my favorites. This was classic Hollywood elegance. Beautiful!

Emily Blunt:

Girl, you still got it. Loved you in this blue, and just love you!

Gwyneth:

While it's not nearly as bad as some of her other debacles in the last few years, I still didn't think it was great. The color's blah, and the cut is not flattering on someone who insists on slouching everywhere she goes, as Gwyneth always does. But I guess it could be worse, right?

Helen Mirren:

I thought this was such a perfect dress for Ms. Helen Mirren, and the gold goes so nicely with her new Oscar statuette, don't you think??

J-Lo:

Ummmm... is she knocked up? 'Cause if she's knocked up, I guess this is fine, but if not... not so much. And you can't tell me all that hardware across her shoulders isn't heavy, because I just won't believe you.

Jessica Biel:
SO many websites and gossip columns and TV shows are saying that they hated Jessica Biel's Oscar look, but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I thought she looked amazing. The hot pink is utterly fabulous, and I thought her hair and make-up were perfect. Everyone who doesn't think so is just dumb.

Abigail Breslin and Jayden James:

OK, these two were just too freaking cute. I just want to eat that little Abigail Breslin up. And if any of you have not yet seen Little Miss Sunshine, you simply MUST. Go right now. I'll wait.

Anne Hathaway:

Seriously? Didn't you learn anything from being in The Devil Wears Prada? This dress is horrific.

Cate Blanchett:

I like watching Cate Blanchett on the red carpets because she's a risk-taker with fashion, and more often than not, it works in her favor. I think this dress is no exception. The only thing I would change maybe is for her to have left her hair down to give her a slightly softer look. By the way, she was FIERCE in Babel. See that, too.

Celine Dion:

It's the strangest thing. It goes against everything in my being to say something nice about Celine Dion, because I can't... stand... her!!! But I thought she looked fabulous. The green was perfect on her. She still sucks, though.

And last but not least, the hostess with the mostess, Ellen:

I'm not even going to focus on her fashions because, let's face it, it's Ellen. But I thought she was a SUPERB host to the Oscars, and I really hope they ask her to come back. Love her!!!

OK, I SWEAR I'll be better with the posting. I swear!!!!

(All photos courtesy of msn.com).

It is ABOUT EFFING TIME!!!!

2007-02-27T19:39:00.000-05:00

Martin Scorsese was so long overdue in receiving his Oscar for Best Director that if things were fair, they would just let him take home the great big one he's standing next to in this picture:
He might have to rent a U-Haul or something, but c'mon, you can't tell me the man doesn't deserve it!!

Marty, you rock my world, and I'm so elated you were finally honored by the Academy. Now I don't have to go postal on all the Academy members, like I thought I might have to if you were snubbed again. And that just would've been a lot of work.

Brass Ones, The Final Chapter

2007-01-17T01:13:00.000-05:00

Vanessa Williams:
Goddamn electrical outlets. I hate when I get my fork stuck in one, too. My hair just never looks right.

Sheryl Crow:

Stunning. She looks absolutely, breathtakingly gorgeous. Well done! She might be my very favorite of the night.

Sienna Miller:

I don't HATE the dress. I don't love it either. But the Heidi braids that look like they were slept on for about a week prior have got to go. My mom used to do that hairstyle to me... when I was 4.

Tina Fey:

Tina Fey is my hero. Anyone who calls Paris Hilton a piece of shit is OK in my book. And I think she looks really, really nice here. I would just recommend some lipstick, and maybe a slightly longer skirt on the dress to elongate her torso. Otherwise, well-played.

Toni Collette:

I think the dress is magnificent, I think the understated jewelry is perfect, and I think the haircolor is fantastic. I would've liked to have seen her in some sort of updo, though, seeing as her hair is about as poker-straight as mine is, and for a formal event like this one, that just won't do.

Vanessa Minnillo:

Nick Lachey's lady-friend is one hot mama in this dress, and she is either tied with Sheryl Crow for best of the night, or at the very least a close second. It's not easy to rock that orange color, either, but she pulls it off beautifully here. Nick, you're a lucky man! And much better off with this one!!!

Now we just need to get ready for the Oscars! SCORSESE ALL THE WAY!!!!!

(All photos on this and all other "Brass Ones" posts are courtesy of MSN Entertainment and E! Online).

Brass Ones, Volume 8

2007-01-17T01:09:00.000-05:00

Sarah Paulson:
This is so bad, but I'm just going to go ahead and say it anyway: this woman's face scares the bejesus out of me. I don't know why. I think she is so... odd-looking. Plus, I've seen that show she's on, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, and I think her character is so irritating. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why Chandler Bing, or whatever the hell Matthew Perry's name is on the show, likes her so much. It makes about as much sense as Lindsay Lohan saying she's been in AA for a year, but she's only been sober for 7 days. Whatever, I'm tired of thinking about it.

The MAN -- Martin Scorsese:

It is about goddamn time somebody rewarded this man for his unfailing genius, and I'll go on record here and say that if he doesn't get an Oscar this year, I'm taking baby Suri hostage.

Chloe Sevigny, Ginnifer Goodwin and Jeanne Tripplehorn:
I really don't have anything to say about the fashion choices by these three ladies, but I might have something to say about Chloe Sevigny looking like she's about to eat the photographer's face, regurgitate it, and then feed it to her young.

Penelope Cruz:

This kinda reminds me of the dress Scarlett O'Hara wore after her first husband dies, and Rhett Butler comes to Tara and asks her to marry him while she's still in mourning. Only lower-cut. By the way, this isn't meant to be a compliment. And what's with the Captain Morgan stance?

Peter Sarsgaard and Maggie Gyllenhaal:

Holy shit, Peter Sarsgaard actually looks really hot here!! And Maggie is grim, as always. Buck up, Maggie -- you gotta hot baby-daddy!

Reese Witherspoon:

Oh, Reese. You've had kind of a rough year, haven't you? I could probably very easily make fun of your choice of banana yellow with ruby red shoes, but I'm just not gonna. And truth be told, I'm kinda feeling the yellow. That's right. It's always nice to see a little color on the red carpet, and if anyone can pull it off, it's you. And you are ROCKIN' the long hair, darlin'. Ryan's an ass.

Renee Zellweger:

Renee obviously attends the same school of Botox as Nicollette Sheridan. Would it kill you to smile, Renee? But let me give credit where credit's due: it's not a black Carolina Herrera, and it's not a white Carolina Herrera. So congratulations on branching out. Now cheer up.

Salma Hayek:

Holy mother of god, look at those boobies. It's like they're staring at you, isn't it?? I can't even comment on what she's wearing. Is she even wearing anything? I can't see anything past those boobs.

Brass Ones, Volume 7

2007-01-17T00:59:00.000-05:00

This is getting a bit lengthy, no? Oh, well, you'll be all right.

Kiefer Sutherland:
It's not even that I think he looks all that noteworthy, it's more that he looks like he could reach through my computer monitor and snap me in two. Thus, I serve at the altar of Jack Bauer.

Kyra Sedgwick:

I'm not kidding -- I really didn't know that her show was even still on the air. So good for her! And the dress was lovely.

Meryl Streep:

Meryl, I think you are a goddess, and I LOVE that you won the Globe for your deliciously cruel portrayal of Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada, but I beg of you, for the Oscars: just a little lipstick. Pretty please?

Naomi Watts:

Love the color. Otherwise: boooooooooring....

Nicolette Sheridan and (gulp) Michael Bolton:
Honey, take it easy on the Botox. Things are bad when Michael Bolton is aging more gracefully than you are. And the dress is not helping matters. It looks like your dog's leash got tangled around you as you were walking out the door, and rather than try to de-tangle, you just snipped it off at Rover's collar and kept on going. And believe me, that look just doesn't work for anyone.

Brass Ones, Volume 6

2007-01-17T00:48:00.000-05:00

Jennifer Love Hewitt:
For real, someone explain to me why this chick is famous. She's probably one of the worst actresses EVER, she's not even so cute, and she just seems like she's annoying. Even in this picture, she's like: "What the fuck? All of these struggling actors and actresses out there that are actually -- I don't know, talented-- and I made it?? These tits paid for themselves a hundred times over!"

Jessica Biel:

I've kinda got a secret girl crush on Jessica Biel. She seems like someone who's pretty down to earth that you could go get a beer with and talk about guys with, but not catty or stupid like, say, Paris Hilton. Plus, she's got a body that just won't quit. Yep, you read that right.

Josh Holloway:

Yummy. He's hot.

Justin Timberlake:

A little on the young side, but also hot.

Katherine Heigl:

Not that this whole ensemble blows me off my seat or anything, but Dr. Izzie Stevens looked very elegant and well-put-together. Many others (I'm looking at you, Cameron Diaz) probably wish they looked half as good as she did. But more than anything, I'm posting this picture for you, Thister. You're welcome.

Brass Ones, Volume 5

2007-01-17T00:31:00.000-05:00

Hilary Swank:
Stole a few things from wardrobe on the set of The Black Dahlia, did we, Hil? Well, at least something good came out of that movie.

Jamie Foxx:

Jamie Foxx, addressing photographers: "Remember me? Ray? No? Collateral? Nothing? I'm in Dreamgirls! Still don't care? I bet you think I'm fly in these sunglasses, though... No? Guys?"

Jenna Fischer, better known as Pam from The Office:

She looks so pretty! Even Jon Krasinski, the dude who plays Jim, is looking at her like, "Holy shit, is that YOU?!"

Jennifer Hudson:

American Idol, represent!!! Girl, I haven't even seen the movie yet, and I know you deserved that statuette. The dress is just OK, though.

Jennifer Lopez:

Anyone who knows me can tell you all that I don't get the phenom that is Jennifer Lopez. Her voice sucks, she looks like shit without make-up, she seems like she's a bitch, and she's married to a walking corpse. Sure, she's got a great ass, and when she's made up she looks ridiculously hot, but who wouldn't with all those professionals working on them? But damn if that team of professionals didn't do a kick-ass job with her at the Globes. She looked sensational. The husband's still got to go, but nice to see you make it through a marriage for more than 6 months. Way to go, Jen.

Brass Ones, Volume 4

2007-01-17T00:20:00.000-05:00

That's right, the hits keep on comin'! You need a break? Want to go get a Diet Pepsi or use the restroom? Nah, you'll be all right. We haven't hung out like this in awhile. Let's press onwards.

Emily Blunt, for Gideon's Daughter -- NOT for her brilliance in The Devil Wears Prada:
LOVE THIS BITCH. And she looked smokin' last night, and I'm really glad she won something. I have some questions about the very bottom of the dress, but I didn't want to pee on her campfire, so I generously just edited that bottom section out. We'll talk later, Em. Cheers!

Eva Longoria:

SO. SICK. of. this. woman. And I'm sorry, I know she's making everyone's best-dressed lists, but I hated this dress. Color is beautiful, but the rest of it sucks.

Evangeline Lilly:

Kudos on taking a chance, my darling. Too bad it didn't work out.

Felicity Huffman:

A million times, no. The color is beautiful, and you should seriously consider becoming a personal slave to whomever did your hair and make-up. But the dress? No.

Hayden Panettiere:

Here's the Fiance's latest girlfriend (wait, what?), and I will admit that she is undeniably adorable and radiant and fresh-faced teenage glory at its very best. Lohan? Spears? Tara Reid?You'd do well to take notes from this one. Save the fallen teen queens, save the world.

Brass Ones, Volume 3

2007-01-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

Clint Eastwood:

I'm kinda afraid of Clint Eastwood. I'm pretty sure he could make me disappear. So let me just say that on someone else, the black shirt with the gold bow-tie wouldn't look good. But because Clint Eastwood is wearing it, it kicks ass. Ahem. Please don't hurt me, Mr. Eastwood.

Daniel Dae Kim:
Holy sweet baby Jesus, this man is hot. I can't even see his outfit, and I can't even say that I noticed it... I just wanted to post his hot face on here. The tie's a nice color blue, I guess, if we're going for consistency here...

Drew Barrymore:

My little free spirit. Loved her in this, and SO glad we gave the girls an uplift this year. Good for you!

Eddie Murphy:

So, even though I have a sneaking suspicion (hello? Knocking up Scary Spice and then saying it's not his?!) that Eddie's kind of a dick, he looked very dapper last night. And I really MUST get out to see this Dreamgirls.

Ellen Pompeo:

Sooooo pretty. I think she looked stunning, even if the hair was maybe just a little on the too poufy side. Her make-up artist should get a ridiculously huge bouquet today, for sure.

Brass Ones, Volume 2

2007-01-16T17:28:00.000-05:00

America Ferrera, Not-So-Ugly:
I think America Ferrera is adorable anyway, but I thought she looked fantastic tonight. Plus, she's only one of a handful of Hollywood starlets that REALLY smile. All the rest of them give you that "Come hither and I'll eat you alive" smirk. But she has that truly happy, not-aided-by-Prozac-and-god-knows-whatever-else smile. Good for her.

Courtney Cox Arquette and David Arquette:

I actually have a lot of love for Courtney Cox right now because her new show, Dirt, is effing incredible and she pretty much kicks ass on it. However. I am on the fence about this dress. I think if it was not gathered in the middle front, it would be a no-brainer, and I'd love it to pieces and have to have one of my own. But it does, and so I don't. Plus, she needs some lipstick. By the way, Dirt is on tonight (10pm on FX) and you should watch it if you weren't planning on it already.

Beyonce Knowles:

Ummmm.... I can't even comment on the dress because I'm too distracted by the pose. If she checking her pits to see if her deodorant failed? Or is she trying to be sexy? Either way, I don't believe it was a good red carpet choice. Her make-up looked gorgeous, though.

The wax figures of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie:

Just kidding. They're not wax. I don't think. But they have that waxy look to them, don't they? Anyway, the dress is a yawn. I think she's locked in with St. John Couture for now, though, so I guess she doesn't have much of a choice. Brad looks good, though.

Cameron Diaz:

Yikes. This is pretty much a disaster. Justin Timberlake probably took one look at her last night and thought, "Yeah, that break-up was probably a good move." All she's missing is the swan head around her neck and she would've been Bjork's twin from all those years ago!

Brass Ones, Volume 1

2007-01-16T16:49:00.000-05:00

And by Brass Ones, I mean the Globes. The Golden Globes, that is. And we've got a lot to cover, so let's get to it.

Aaron Eckhart, and the luckiest woman alive:

This man is so sexy. It's not even fair. He made half the women there look like slobs. Including his girlfriend, whom I hate. Not because I even know who she is, but because she's with him and I'm not. No disrespect to the fiance. He's in love with Hayden Panettiere, so I'm allowed.

Abigail Breslin (AKA Little Miss Sunshine and the cute kid from Signs):

Seriously, is she not adorable? Dakota Fanning's getting a little older now, so she needed to be replaced anyway in the cute department.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner:

Hate her dress -- it looks like something they stole from Blanche's wardrobe on The Golden Girls, but I love the picture. They look cute together.

Alec Baldwin:

Sure, it's just a suit, but he looks nice. And plus, he cracks me up on 30 Rock. I'm struggling a little bit now that Grey's Anatomy is back from hiatus, because that's what I've been watching in the meantime...

Ali Larter:

I think she looks great, which is really something coming from me, because I tend to think she usually looks a little... well, man-ish. But she looked radiant last night, and thank GOD for that double-sided tape. Whew!

DIRT

2007-01-02T23:53:00.000-05:00

Holy monkey, is Courtney Cox's new show, Dirt, AWESOME!!!!! I'm not kidding. I just watched the premiere episode, and I am totally hooked. It's incredible. It's edgy and sexy and dark and twisted and smart and incredibly well-written.

I'll tell you: between this, Nip/Tuck, and Rescue Me, FX is starting to really give HBO a run for their money. And I have to hand it to Ms. Courtney Cox. I haven't always been a huge fan of hers, but I was greatly impressed with her on the show, for which she is also an executive producer. Well played, Courtney. Well played, indeed.

Miss me?

2006-12-18T21:52:00.000-05:00

Just wanted to let you all know (if you care) that I am NOT dead. Just really, really, really ridiculously busy with work. This time of year sucks.

But happy holidays!!!! I hope everyone has a great time doing whatever it is they do, and that Santa or the Hanukkah Fairy or whoever brings you all your heart desires.

Suck on it, Renee Zellweger.

2006-11-27T17:08:00.000-05:00

Pam Anderson has filed for divorce from Kid Rock after a long, arduous 4 months.

I don't know why anyone's surprised. I'm pretty sure the vows were along the lines of "Till 4 months from now do we part."

It's couples like these that make me and The Fiance feel really good about the sanctity of marriage.

Cirque du Face

2006-11-24T21:51:00.000-05:00

So, my friend who is quite obviously insane went shopping today for Black Friday, and brought me back a Sephora catalog, and the cover is a slight variation of this:

Their big thing right now, apparently, is making you look like Bozo the Clown. And I immediately started laughing my ass off, because I was reminded of a fabulous exchange between Zooey Deschanel and an older lady in the movie The Good Girl (which, if you haven't seen, you totally should. It's good):

Old Woman: I look too white, don't you think?
Cheryl (Zooey Deschanel): Not at all. I'm just trying to match your face with your hair. I was thinking you're not white enough.
Old Woman: I think I look kind of weird.
Cheryl: The first rule of fashion is you have to look weird. What I'm doing has come straight here from France.
Old Woman: Oh?
Cheryl: It's called Cirque du Face, meaning "Circus of the Face", and it's all the rage with the Frenchies, ma'am.
Old Woman: Well, you're the professional.

I mean, really. They are totally fucking with us!!!!

Look who managed to clean themselves up!

2006-11-14T00:17:00.000-05:00

Tara Reid managed to step away from the booze for 10 minutes so she could show up to the recent screening of The Fountain looking like a halfway decent human being. See for yourself:

I know the girl is a human punching bag for the paparazzi, and I can't say that it's not well-deserved, but it's still nice to see that she took the hint and pulled herself together for once. And she should totally be sleeping with her most recent plastic surgeon. He changed her from a haggard, hard-living, boozehound-looking, haggard, 50-year-old-named-Marge-looking thing back into what a normal 30-year-old Hollywood starlet SHOULD look like. A simple "thank you" just won't suffice.

(Photo credit: The Superficial).

Target and I are SO not speaking.

2006-11-09T23:30:00.000-05:00

This really should have been one of the happiest weeks of my life. The gods smiled down upon me and said, "Unto you may we bestow Season 1 of one of the greatest, albeit ridiculous (but really, what else could you expect from an Aaron Spelling creation, may he rest in eternal peace?) television shows ever created, Beverly Hills 90210, on DVD -- finally." What's more, four of the lovely ladies I work with pitched in last week and bought me a gift card to Target for my birthday (like how I slid that in there? I totally played it cool, but really, I'm reaching for some belated birthday tidings. I have no shame). I thought to myself, "Perfect!! I'll take part of my gift card and use it for 90210 when it comes out on Tuesday!!!"
Yeah... NO DICE. I arrived at my friendly neighborhood Target at approximately 10:15am on Tuesday, one hour and 15 minutes after they opened for the day. I made a beeline for the TV on DVD section and scanned the shelves for my beloved 90210. Nothing. Hmmm... OK, no problem. I'll check the new releases rack. Nothing there, either. All right, no cause for panic. I'll check the OTHER TV on DVD rack -- a-ha!! Melrose Place! I'm obviously in the right spot. And then I see it. The empty space where 90210 SHOULD be.

I hunt down one of the red-shirted Target-techno people. "Excuse me," I say, "But I can't seem to find any of the 90210 DVDs. It was just released today. Is there somewhere else I should be looking?" The guy looks at me, and then looks at the empty space where I'm pointing. "Sorry," he says, "But we didn't get that many, and we already sold out." I stare at him blankly. "But... but you just opened an hour and 15 minutes ago," I say, not quite believing him. "I know," he says, shrugging. "Crazy, right?"

After he walks away, I walk up and down the DVD aisles for 10 more minutes, praying I find a misplaced, wayward copy of 90210, all the while realizing the sheer futility of it all. I mean, really... who's going to pick up Season 1 of 90210, never before released until NOW in 2006, and then put it down and say, "Nahhh..." Only someone who's obviously out of their minds. Finally, I give up, and drag my ass home.

That brings us to tonight. On my way home from work, I decide to take a different route that will take me past another, slightly out-of-the-way Target so I can pick it up there. And do you know those bastards were out of it too???? So some other red-shirted Target Techie gives me a raincheck. I stood there like a jackass holding my sad little raincheck receipt looking forlorn as he told me they should have it by next week. Then I kicked him square in the crotch and called him Gaylord. Not really. But I thought it in my head.

Now, I realize I could just take my ass on over to a Best Buy or an FYE (yikes) and plunk down the $45 and just have it in my hot little hands as we speak. But it's the principle of the thing. I have a gift card, goddammit, and I want my goddam gift to be SEASON ONE OF BEVERLY HILLS 90210 ON DVD!!!!!

Ahem.

So consider yourself forewarned, Target. You will see my face every single damn day until you have that bitch in stock. And then it's mine. Oh yes, it will be mine. I will soon be reunited with all the daily drama at West Beverly, and it's going to be GREAT!

I hate to say I told you so...

2006-11-07T23:19:00.000-05:00

... so I'll just say that I think we all could see this probably wouldn't work out:

I am overjoyed to pass on that Britney finally came to her damn senses and is divorcing this imbecile!!!! And it only took two and a half years and two babies.

Now if he would just disappear off the face of the earth, all my dreams would come true...

Kanye West needs to get over his damn self.

2006-11-03T12:25:00.000-05:00

Kanye West had a total shit-throw at the MTV Europe awards last night because he didn't win for best video.

This is just the most recent in a string of tantrums he's thrown for not winning certain awards. What an ass. And honestly, I really like Kanye West's music, but everytime he does something like this, a little piece of me dies inside. Musically. Or something.

Humility, thy name is Kanye.

It's a Scientologist thing...

2006-10-31T18:17:00.000-05:00

... You wouldn't understand.

And yes, I know this picture of Katie and Posh is from about three weeks ago. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

Fun with fiances

2006-10-30T18:35:00.000-05:00

So here's me with The Fiance... aren't we just deliciously precious???

Yesterday we went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and did our bridal registry, since my big sister is being so kind as to throw us an engagement party next weekend. That was, like, the most fun thing ever. You just run around and scan shit that you want, and then hopefully, people buy it for you!!! We mostly stuck to stuff we really did need, but we did throw a few extraneous things in, too, like a cocktail carousel and a cocktail recipe book. Hey, drinking is a part of marriage, too. We might as well just face the truth.

Anyway, we were there for almost three hours. The Fiance was a champ, though, and he did have to lie down on one of the display beds for awhile and test out one of the massage chairs for about 10 minutes, but he hung in there. I was proud of him. ;-) We still have a little more to do, but I told him the worst is over. I think he's relieved. In the meantime: Yay, engagement party!!!!

Bummer

2006-10-30T18:23:00.000-05:00

It was announced today by their publicist that Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe split up.

I'm actually very surprised and kind of sad to hear this. I liked them together, and they've been together for awhile, too. But he DOES seem kind of grouchy. Hmmm...

Trick or Treat!

2006-10-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

Ahhh, Halloween. That magical one day out of 365 when someone can be someone they're not. In most women's cases, whores. Feast your eyes on some of the current costumes that are out there these days:

The Safari Girl: Just in time for the untimely death of Steve Irwin. Maybe if you're feeling a little bit twisted in addition to whorish, you could carry around a stuffed stingray. Just a thought.
The Pizza Delivery Girl: I don't know about you guys, but I can't tell you how many times the Dominos delivery person has shown up at my door looking like this. Only her abs don't really look like that. Oh yeah, and she's a he. But otherwise, exactly the same.
The Mexican: Just a little sidebar to show you that men don't feel the same need to bare all on Halloween. They can wear clothes that actually provide warmth and aren't there just to keep those nipples covered. And they're usually funny.
Ummmm...: Yeah, I don't know. But it's trampy. And that's alllllll that counts on Halloween.
The Pharmacist: Personally, my pharmacist is this 70-year-old guy with grey hair and Orville Redenbacher glasses. Other pharmacists may, in fact, dress this way. I can't say for sure.
GI Jane: Hey man, it's hot in the desert. What do you expect?

As for me, I can't decide what I want to be for Halloween. Maybe a sexy clown. Or a sexy photojournalist. Or a sexy banana. Or a sexy nun. It's a tough decision. I'll keep you all posted. Any ideas?

Another one?

2006-10-13T13:35:00.000-05:00

Imagine my surprise when I was in Borders today and came across this on the shelves:

That's right, folks. There's another Lohan out there, and she feels the need to impart her deepest thoughts and feelings on compact disc to share with the world. And it's a "Lohan Holiday," to boot. Can't wait to hear "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (And Then Daddy Beat Him With a Shoe)," among other gems. Obviously, Dina Lohan will not rest until all her children are ruined and due for decades of therapy.

Special Topics in Calamity Physics

2006-10-12T23:16:00.000-05:00

Today I finished (after obsessing over it for about 4 days straight) the book Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl. I can't tell you how long it's been that I've read a new release -- and this a first novel, no less -- that was as engaging and absorbing as this book was. The character development was excellent, the writing was superb, it was funny and smart. And kind of noirish. Very, very good. If you have time, you should definitely check it out!

Spongebob Stardust and the Spiders from Mars

2006-10-12T23:06:00.000-05:00

I love David Bowie. I am actually kind of obsessed with the man.

I also love Spongebob Squarepants. He is an animated little bundle of joy.

Imagine my delight when I read this morning that Bowie will be lending his voice to a character in a Spongebob episode to air next year!!!

Sure, kids won't care. But I do.

Latest Obsession

2006-10-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

OK, so Comcast is being a bitch (again), so I won't have any visual aids for my posts right now.

Anyway, show of hands: who's seen "The Nine"? Holy baby Jesus in a seersucker suit, that's a good-ass show! I am totally addicted.

As for "Lost"? I'm still hanging in there with it, I swear. And this week was pretty damn absorbing. But I have to admit... I'm kinda getting a headache. I thought TV was supposed to be a form of escapism... I'm working harder at trying to figure that show out than I am at my actual job. They should pay me.

The Agony of Defeat

2006-10-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

HA!!!! Suck it, T.O.!!

The Eagles pounded the Cowboys today, 38-24, for Terrell Owen's first homecoming to Philadelphia since leaving/being kicked out. See, Terrell? Philly doesn't need you, and apparently, neither do the Cowboys, because you really didn't do shit the entire game. (I'm sure you'll blame that on someone -- anyone -- else, though).

I think ESPN's headline tonight said it best: Philly 1, Owens 0.

We shall see you again on Christmas Day, sir. Be sure to ask Santa to bring you back your pride.

Where the HELL were the paparazzi on this one???

2006-10-05T18:43:00.000-05:00

This is a couple of days old, but I have not gotten over how happy it still makes me to hear about it:

Shanna Moakler, AKA My New Hero, allegedly punched Paris Hilton in the face at Hyde the other night. Moakler, you'll recall, is in the midst of divorcing her husband, Blink 182's Travis Barker, who then went and made the gross decision of hooking up with Paris Hilton after the split. Moakler is apparently not over this yet, thus giving Hilton a well-deserved punch that unfortunately left no real damage. This apparently occurred after the biggest girl of all, Stavros Niarchos, poured a drink over Moakler's head and tried to push her down a flight of stairs. Both women have filed police reports.

OK, now this is what needs to happen: we need to get these two in a ring and let them go at it, sell tickets and also sell a package on Pay-Per-View. Do you have ANY IDEA what a huge seller that would be? Shit, I'd fly out to Vegas for a chance to see Paris get her ass kicked.

Also, is anyone else struck by how unbelievably juvenile Paris Hilton is? She's like the bitchy popular girl in high school that made fun of everyone else, and who got her little follower friends to do all her dirty work (i.e. pouring drinks over people's heads and pushing them down stairs, or giving them such complimentary nicknames as "Firecrotch"). So if she got punched in the face, chances are she was asking for it. Just saying.

An Open Letter to Star Jones Reynolds

2006-10-02T15:54:00.000-05:00

Dear Star Jones Reynolds,
Remember when you were planning your over-the-top, ridiculously lavish wedding to your gay husband, and your whored yourself out every day on "The View" so that you could get free shit for said wedding? (Even though you are/were on TV and made more money per day than I probably do in a year?)
Well, Mrs. Jones Reynolds, I can now see why you did all that. I am in the midst of starting to plan my own (albeit not quite as expensive) wedding, and this shit is PRICEY. Everywhere I turn, there is another outrageously expensive thing we need. In addition, we're going to need, like, a chair or something to sit on once we do get married, and we have to pay for that as well. It's very overwhelming and scary, and it's easily foreseeable that we will be in debt for awhile after our wedding day just to pay off the crap we had ON our wedding day.

So that being said, I take back some of the derogatory things I said about you while you were planning your own wedding, because I really do get it now. However, I will not take back all of them because as I said before: you probably make more money in one day than I do the entire year.

Anyway, give my best to Al and his boyfriend, and good luck with whatever it is you're doing these days. I'm sure it's fabulous. And feel free to contribute to our wedding. We're open to freebies, too.

Much love,
RockSteady

Is Lisa Turtle featured?

2006-09-27T22:22:00.000-05:00

Try to wrap your brains around this one, kids: Dustin Diamond, better known as "Screech" from Saved by the Bell, apparently has a sex tape.
Oh, wait. It gets worse. Not only is it a 40-minute Screech sex tape, but it shows him engaging in a threesome with two women, but it also allegedly shows him giving one of said women a Dirty Sanchez. If you don't know what a Dirty Sanchez is, click on the link only if you dare. And only if you're not eating or haven't eaten recently. Or if you were planning on having sex again, um, ever.

And the kicker: the sex tape is called Saved by the Smell. Yeah, I'm going to go vomit now.

Music to rock your socks off, take 2.

2006-09-21T21:35:00.000-05:00

Well, color me embarrassed. Bree (bless her heart, for where would I be without her??) pointed out the most obvious and exciting recent release that I completely failed to mention -- Bob Dylan. We'll get to that. But while I was wallowing in my shame for having forgotten Bob, my personal lord and savior, I also realized I had overlooked another good disc that I picked up recently by Snow Patrol, called Eyes Open:
This was actually released in May, but I'm just getting around to it now. Get off my back. Geez. Anyway, I picked it up before every single radio station in America decided to play "Chasing Cars" 23,000 times a day (which is, nonetheless, still my favorite song on the entire CD), and I haven't been disappointed. It's pretty darn good. There, I said it.

Now, onto the Big Guy, one of the greatest musicians of our lifetime, Mr. Bob Dylan:

His Bobness just released Modern Times, which is truly one of the greatest, if not THE greatest, CDs of 2006. I can't even pick my favorite songs, because I love them all. So, in truth, the Black Keys and Bob Dylan have been equally duking it out in my CD player. The man's a freaking genius. Enough said.

But thanks, Bree, for calling me out, because really. I mean... really.

Music to rock your socks off.

2006-09-20T20:25:00.000-05:00

I don't know if it's just the time of year or what, but fall always seems to bring the very best in music releases with it. It's AWESOME!!! The releases have already begun, and I am very happy with my purchases so far.

TV on the Radio, Return to Cookie Mountain:
I know not everyone is going to love these guys as much as I do, because they're very very different than any other band's sound. That's why I like them so much!!! There's really no way to describe their music, but if you're feeling adventurous, I highly recommend it.

And from the obscure we'll jump to the obvious, with Mr. Justin Timberlake's sophomore effort, FutureSex/LoveSounds:

This is just a straight-up, sexy-ass dance album. C'mon, people, I'm not buying it for the deep lyrics. But it's good stuff that you can shake your tailfeather to, and I'm all for that.

Last but certainly not least, The Black Keys, Magic Potion:

Oh. My. God. It's so good. Seriously. It's SO good. It's old school rock and/or roll. If you like Led Zeppelin or the White Stripes, go buy this RIGHT NOW. You won't regret it. Promise. You'd have to fight me to get it out of my CD player right now.

Next up: new stuff from Beck and The Killers!!! Get ready!! And for movies, get ready for Employee of the Month (Jessica sucks, but Dane rocks) and The Departed. Scorsese has to get an Oscar nom this time around, or I might have to call for a boycott of the Oscars all around. And the Academy Awards are, like, my life blood (Movies! Music! Dresses! Drunk people!), so really that's saying a lot.

OK, good talk. See you out there.

I'm baaaaaack!!!!

2006-09-10T22:01:00.000-05:00

And I'm engaged!!!!! The Boyfriend is now The Fiance!

Emmy's: The Epilogue

2006-08-30T22:11:00.000-05:00

In conclusion, I'd like to say that I actually did enjoy the hour of the Emmy's that I got around to watching. Conan, my personal barbarian, was awesome as the emcee for the night, and I loved his little song-and-dance number about how much NBC sucks right now. He rocks.

However, can anyone let me know whether or not the Emmy's ran over its 3-hour limit? I was somewhat concerned for Bob Newhart's welfare.
(BTW... brilliant!!!)

(Photos courtesy of MSN Entertainment).

Emmy's, Part 3

2006-08-30T21:31:00.000-05:00

I guess I had more fodder than I originally thought, huh? And to think, I stopped watching about halfway through and went to bed. Anyone know who won? Just kidding. I don't really care. Let's get back to the bitchfest:

Melissa Rivers:

Honey, in the name of all that is holy, put those away. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but no one considers you to be a "real" celebrity, and we most definitely have no interest in seeing your nincompoops, no matter how saggy they might be. By the way, isn't your mother, like, the plastic surgery queen of America? You'd think she would've staged an intervention by now... yikes.

Vanessa Minillo:

You know, everyone's making such a big deal out of how horrific this dress is, and really... it is. She looks like like she should be attempting a triple lutz jump at the Ice Capades. But she's still banging Nick Lachey, and you're not, so you can kiss her perfectly toned, tan ass. Bitches.

Tracy Gold:

Wow, who thought to invite Peter Pan? This dress is just not flattering on anyone, but Tracy Gold especially. If anyone was going to wear this, it should be... well, Peter Pan. Anyway, it's nice that Tracy Gold was invited to the Emmy's. Anyone know how that might have happened? Because I feel like, if that's the case, I should have scored an invite. And I wouldn't have worn that.

Heidi Klum and Seal:

This couple is so good-looking that it's just unfair. And she's pregnant!!! Pretty far along, too!! Britney, my darling, take note. THIS is how you rock pregnancy.

(Photos courtesy of MSN Entertainment).

Emmy's, Part 2: Electric Bugaloo

2006-08-30T21:05:00.000-05:00

Let us press onward in the Emmy coverage!!!!

Jane Kaczmarek:
Holy shit, Malcolm's mom is smokin' hot!!!!! When the hell did this happen??? And check out her real-life husband in the background, Bradley Whitford, smiling and laughing as if to say, "Yeah, that's right. I bagged her. Suck it." Way to OWN THAT SHIT, Kaczmarek!!!

Julia Louis-Dreyfuss:

I love, love, LOVE JLD. I don't know if it's because she reminds me, in both looks and personality, of one of my best friends, or if it's just because she's just that cool. Nevertheless, she looked awesome at the Emmy's. Way to show Tinseltown you can get past Seinfeld.

Kathy Griffin:

I LOVE THIS BITCH. In fact, a little part of me hopes upon all hopes that we will run into each other when I am out in L.A., we will talk and laugh and immediately decide that we should be best friends, and we will call each other every day, and eventually, the Boyfriend and I will move out there to live in her in-law suite, where I will become her P.A., and the Boyfriend will become her personal financial analyst. I know it may sound farfetched, but it could happen. Dammit, it could happen!!! Love the dress, too. Yay, D-List!!

Katherine Heigl:

It is no secret whatsoever that (Thister's girlfriend) Katherine Heigl is unbelievably beautiful, and the Emmys red carpet only highlighted that fact. She is absolutely stunning in this dress, and honestly, I don't know if I've ever seen her look better. But I will say, because I'm bitchy that way, that the hair is a little severe, and she could've used a little more color on her lips. Otherwise, perfection!!!

Lorraine Bracco:

Wow... been putting away some carbs in between seasons of The Sopranos, huh, Dr. Melfi? Joining Tony and Carmela for a few pasta dinners, are we?

I'm sorry, that's really mean. But wow... that was unexpected. I actually didn't know that this was even Lorraine Bracco on the red carpet until someone said her name. I almost fell over. The dress is pretty nice, though...

(Photos courtesy of MSN Entertainment).

Emmy's, Part 1

2006-08-30T19:25:00.000-05:00

You know, Thister, you're right. I am way behind on an Emmy's post. And that's mostly due to the fact that the Emmy's and the red carpet preceding it were a total bore. But I guess there's some highlights (and lowlights) to re-visit. So here it goes.

J-Love:

So. Sick. Of. This. Woman. Won't someone please just make her go away??? She's everywhere, and she needs to be stopped. Or she needs a good scandal and become more interesting. I'll take either.

Cheryl Hines:

Now let me start this out by saying that I love Cheryl Hines. I watch Curb Your Enthusiasm faithfully, and I think she plays the perfect straight man to Larry David's over-the-top jackass. But this dress is unforgivable. Look closely -- there is a smiling voodoo-like face created by those beads. I had nightmares for days about that face. That's really why it took me so long to make this post. Now that I've written something about it, perhaps the healing can begin.

Eva Longoria:

Dear, sweet Jesus, Lord above -- WHY do I feel like we see this woman EVERYWHERE??? I am so sick of her stupid face. She needs to crawl back into the hole of oblivion from whence she came. And her dress sucks. Like the Fug girls said, it looks like Pac-Man is about to swallow her face.

Debra Messing:

Redhead + white dress (except for on wedding day) = NO. Otherwise, not bad.

Jeremy Piven:

Ummmm... is that an ascot?

More to come...

(Photos courtesy of MSN Entertainment).

This time next week...

2006-08-27T13:34:00.000-05:00

...The Boyfriend and I will be in sunny California, dividing our time between Los Angeles, Los Feliz and Hermosa Beach (the Hermosa Beach Pier is pictured below).

It will be a week of relaxing, drinking, and living it up. I can't wait!! Plus, this is the Boyfriend's first time on the West Coast, so that will be very exciting itself. I will be sure to post plenty of pictures when I return!

(Photo courtesy of liftfan.tripod.com)

Oh god, PLEASE say they kill him off.

2006-08-27T13:31:00.000-05:00

Kevin Federline is slated to make his acting debut this fall on CSI. He's supposed to play some punk-ass teenager that harrasses the investigators as they try to do their job.

Imagine... K-Fed playing a punk. What a stretch.

Teen Choice Awards

2006-08-22T22:47:00.000-05:00

I know I'm a little behind the times with this post, seeing as the TCA were two nights ago, but too bad. I'm a little slow because I'm no longer one of you hipster teens. Respect your elders, goddammit. Here's my two cents anyway.

Kevin Federline is the biggest douchebag in history:
All of these people I know are saying, "You know, he really wasn't that bad..." Yeah, well, that doesn't make him good, either, and it certainly doesn't mean he should've closed out an awards show on national television. My friend's band is pretty OK, and they're not on TV, so what gives? Long live mediocrity, I guess...

Nick Lachey made a funny:

"Awkward? Just a little bit?" Awww, Nick, way to handle a bad sitch. Good job. Proud of ya!

Pssst... Rihanna, did you learn NOTHING from the Ashlee Simpson SNL incident???

Girlfriend needs to learn to lip synch well if she is going to choose to do so on national television. My dog can lip synch "S.O.S." better than she can. But I'll grant her a reprieve because DAMN! Is that song catchy or what??? Plus, she's a big bitch. I'm pretty sure she could crush me.

What the hell was around Mischa Barton's neck???

Let me reminisce for a second. My mom used to have this porcelain clown doll with a white and black painted face that she kept in our spare bedroom. If I was ever in that room, I hid that freaking clown under the bed because it scared the shit out of me. The clown also had a big frilly collar around his neck, just like Mischa's. Sorry, Mischa. Under the bed you go.

No comment:

Who is this person again? I mean, I know it's Brooke Hogan, but why do we care about her dumb ass?

Best chemistry:

Truly. I know they were pre-recorded and all, but very cute.

J-Simp in the hizzy:

How far the mighty have fallen...

BOOBIES!!!:

Britney cleaned up nicely. But holy boobies, Batman!!!! And I'm pretty sure I can see her private lady parts that I'm not meant to see peaking out from under her mini dress. And in the name of all that is holy, THROW OUT THE GUM!!!!!!!!!!!

Yawn....

What a waste of Dane Cook's talent. The man rocks, and yet was stuck in such a pit of despair with this award show. Oh, well, I'll still see Employee of the Month. Hopefully their chemistry is better in the movie than it was onstage Sunday night!

(Photos courtesy of MSN Entertainment).

Freak on a leash

2006-08-16T22:52:00.000-05:00

What the shit is this about???

I was in the mall yesterday and I must've seen about 5 different parents leading their children around this way. I understand that this has been going on for awhile, and I've definitely seen it before, but it's disturbing to me how many people string their kids up this way, and it's seen as totally acceptable.

Make up your minds, people. You're either a parent or a pet owner.

Catching up

2006-08-14T21:27:00.000-05:00

I'm back! Did you miss me? The weekend was wonderful in the Poconos, and I seriously could not have asked for better weather. It was unbelievably gorgeous. I didn't do a whole lot -- read trashy magazines, ate my weight in food, hung out at the lake and slept -- a lot. But I loved every second of it!!

I came home and got my celebrity gossip fix -- what is UP with Kate Hudson and Chris Robinson splitting up??? I might be the only one, but I really kind of liked these two together in a hippie-esque-type way. Of course, she was only about 21 when they got married, but whatever. Sad. I would have much rather have seen a report that Katie Holmes and Crazy Tom Cruise broke up, but I guess we can't have it all.

Also, I saw all sorts of trailers this weekend for Snakes on a Plane, which just might turn out to be one of the funniest movies ever. And honestly? I know it sounds like a really stupid premise, and truly it is... but snakes loose on a plane? Holy baby Jesus in a handbasket. That would be terrifying.

Today I spent an inordinate amount of time watching drivel on VH-1 like Season 4 of the Surreal Life (I cannot WAIT for Season 7!!!), Awesomely Bad Freakouts, and 40 More Awesomely Bad Fashion Moments. Oh, and that reminds me: is anyone besides me watching "Flavor of Love 2"? This is reality TV at his trashy best. Love it!!!

I'm out.

2006-08-10T22:10:00.000-05:00

All right, loves, I am leaving you for a long weekend in the Pocono mountains, but I will think of you non-stop. Promise.

New music!

2006-08-09T22:13:00.000-05:00

Tom Petty is the man. How else can you explain being around for so long and still being able to make some rockin' music? The Boyfriend bought me this CD last week, and I've been listening to it all the time. It's very, very good driving music. I highly recommend it.

Next up: the soundtrack for the upcoming movie, "The Last Kiss." Aside from being totally excited to see this movie and thrilled to see Zach Braff in anything, really, the soundtrack is awesome. Just like he did with "Garden State," Zach (I can call him by his first name, 'cause we're tight like that) was a producer for this soundtrack as well. You know you want it. Just go out and get it.

And have you seen the trailers for this movie yet?? Heart-wrencher, I'm telling you. And who doesn't love Rachel Bilson? She's the cutest thing ever.

No, really. Comcast is the worst.

2006-08-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

I mean it this time.

Now we're not even having storms and my internet service drops out constantly. I spent a full 20 minutes on the phone (after being on hold for 12 minutes) with customer service trying to figure out what was wrong with my system, only to be told in the end: "Hmm. I don't know." And let me tell you, this little exchange I had been having for the previous 20 minutes? Not exactly fun. He reminded me of Jimmy Fallon on Saturday Night Live when he played "Nick Burns: Your Company's Computer Guy." He was totally condescending and loved to exude big exasperated sighs every time I would ask him a question. Here's a sample of our conversation:

me: "I've lost internet service 4 times over the course of a month now. Can you see what the problem is?"
Nick Burns: "(Extremely noisy, exasperated sigh) Is your modem plugged in?"
me: "Yes."
Nick Burns: "Are you sure?"
me: "Well, I'm fairly positive, but let's just check again... yep."
Nick Burns: "Did you turn off the power switch on your surge protector?" (He SO wanted to follow this up with "Moron?" -- I could just tell.)
me: "Nope."

Let me say this: my brother works as one of these computer technical nerds, and I know they have to ask all these retarded questions that make you feel like an asshole, because there really are some smacked asses out there who will ask things like "Where's the 'any' key?" But I feel like, maybe, these guys shouldn't start out assuming that you rode a short bus to school. That maybe, just maybe there might be an actual problem, and the sarcasm and the exasperation can hold for just a few minutes until I give you an actual reason to be sarcastic and exasperated.

So I have a Comcast techie coming to visit me right here in my humble abode next Monday to figure out what the hell is wrong with my internet connection. I'm fully expecting him to say at some point, "There, was that so hard?" And then I'll kill him. Just kidding. Not really.

Owen Wilson's funny.

2006-08-01T00:26:00.000-05:00

I thought Steely Dan's open letter to Luke Wilson was funny. (And yes, I think it was definitely meant to be funny. Check some of the message boards out there of people getting all riled up, thinking that Steely Dan is composed of a bunch of bullies who are really going to beat Owen Wilson up).

But Owen Wilson's response is even funnier: "I have never heard the song 'Cousin Dupree' and I don't even know who this gentleman, Mr. Steely Dan, is. I hope this helps to clear things up and I can get back to concentrating on my new movie, Hey 19."

Cue "Jaws" theme song...

2006-07-31T23:56:00.000-05:00

Tonight on Shark Week, I watched Air Jaws: Sharks of South Africa.

Yo... Those m-f'ers are no joke.

I really didn't think great whites could breach like that. I thought that was all made up in Steven Spielberg's head. Could you imagine going for a swim or for a boat ride and seeing that? I'd shit myself. I'm not kidding.

In other news, I almost burned down my house tonight. That was awesome. See, my sister and her four kids stayed here last week while her power was out, and she used the oven while she was here to make the kids some chicken nuggets. Well, she must've dropped a couple of the nuggets into the bottom of the oven, right where the gas heat is generated. So while I was pre-heating the oven to make dinner tonight, I lit the nuggets on fire. I was sitting there, minding my own business, reading my US Weekly (which reminds me: Shame on you, Mel Gibson!!! Shame on you!!!), when I realized things were a little smoky in the kitchen. I looked at the oven, and realized that it was lit up with flames. I jumped up, turned the oven off and kept the door closed until the fire put itself out. But now the whole house smells like burning, and I can't use the oven until I pull the bottom-tray-part-thingy out and retrieve the remains of the chicken nugget. In conclusion, my sister will be receiving a strongly-worded phone message tomorrow about chicken nuggets and fires and things of that nature.

Shark Attack!

2006-07-31T14:28:00.000-05:00

The best week of the entire summer is upon us: Shark Week on the Discovery channel!!!

I stayed up until 1am last night, brushing up my knowledge on the 10 deadliest sharks. And if you ask me, the great white totally got robbed by the bull shark as the #1 deadliest shark, but I guess that's neither here nor there.

If you missed the first day of sharkness, don't fret. Shark Week continues until Friday night. Don't miss it! I will be glued to my own set, getting my geek on.

Huh?

2006-07-28T16:18:00.000-05:00

Back in October, I made a totally pointless list of things that people do to their cars that drives me absolutely nuts. Well, what I saw today, surpasses ANYTHING on that former list. And I swear, I am not making this up.

I was driving behind a minivan tonight on the way home from work with a bumper sticker that read: "Someone I care about was murdered!"

I really, really wish I could find a picture of one of these bumper stickers to share with you. My immediate reaction to seeing it was, "Wow, that's horrible." That thought was immediately followed by, "Wait, what's with the exclamation point?" Either they're outraged, or they're excited to tell you. One can never be sure.

Comcast is the worst.

2006-07-27T18:09:00.000-05:00

(Just kidding, Comcast. Please don't shut me down again).

I JUST got my internet back after an entire week of being without it after another freaking electrical storm. If anyone needs me, I'll be online all night, catching up on all my celebrity (read: David Hasselhoff) gossip.

But let me just say a few things:

Lance Bass? Gay? NOOOO!!! -- and that's a sarcastic "NOOOO!" (I could've told you that, like, when N Sync first started performing).

Carmen and Dave broke up. Whoop-de-doo. I thought they broke up two years ago. Imagine my surprise that they're just getting around to it now.

David Hasselhoff and his wife finalized their divorce. Look out, ladies, Hoff's a free man again!!!

Got my copy of naked, pregnant Britney in Bazaar. They airbrushed the shit out of her, as you would assume, and the pictures are... eh. I'm sorry, but it's really, really hard to make a 6-months-pregnant lady look sexy. Nice try, though.

I'm sure I'll think of some other things, but I'll have to get back to you. Can you believe we're supposed to get another huge thunderstorm again tonight? God help Comcast if I lose my internet service again. I'll picket outside their offices until I have my celebrity gossip right away!

Let there be light!

2006-07-20T20:16:00.000-05:00

Just so we're all clear, I have tried so hard to be a better poster to this site, but I've had many issues over the past few days. First, Blogger was being a bitch and not letting me add any pictures to my posts. Then, when that finally started to get going again, we had a huge electrical storm on Tuesday night, and finally got power back today. So I'm back. I know you're relieved.

Mosquitos SUCK!

2006-07-20T20:09:00.000-05:00

OK, so... the Boyfriend and I went to my sister's house the other night to take a swim in her pool. I don't know about the rest of the country, but here in Philly it feels like we're living in the sixth ring of hell, so the pool sounded like a great idea. While the Boyfriend swam around, I was personally content to sit on the side of the pool, mostly due to the fact that her pool is not lit and I couldn't see if there were any bugs or reptiles, etc. in there. Well, the mosquitos feasted on me as I sat on the edge of the pool. No exaggeration -- I have 8 mosquito bites on my ass. On my ASS!! And I'm not even getting into the countless bites on my arms, legs and feet.

As if all this wasn't bad enough, I felt something touch my leg as I was sitting there, minding my own business. "Weird," I thought, "The Boyfriend is on the other side of the pool." Well, I had another friend playing at my legs -- a snake. I know some people don't mind snakes, especially little ones like this particular guy was, but I am not one of those people. I managed to not scream, but I have never moved so quickly in my life. I was on my feet and on the other side of the gate before the Boyfriend could come up for air and ask what the hell happened. That was it for the night. I insisted on leaving once he caught the snake in the net and threw it into the backyard. (See? I was nice. I didn't leave it for my sister and her husband and kids to find when they returned from vacation). I've now taken to calling the Boyfriend the Snake Wrangler, which I suspect he kind of enjoys.

In conclusion, I am NEVER going back to my sister's house after the sun goes down. It's like the Wild Kingdom over there.

At the Movies

2006-07-17T13:40:00.000-05:00

The Boyfriend and I went to see You, Me & Dupree on Friday night.

I know this movie is being trashed by critics, and I know a lot of people don't like Owen Wilson, but we both really liked this movie. I thought it was a little slow at the beginning, but overall, it was great. Matt Dillon was great, Kate Hudson was adorable, and Owen Wilson and Michael Douglas (that's right, I said Michael Douglas) were hilarious. Oh, and Lance Armstrong has a fantastic cameo as himself. Priceless.

We also saw a preview for The Prestige, which looks so effing good, it's not even funny. David Bowie is in it, for Christ's sake! Hugh Jackman! Christian Bale!! And sure, it's about magic, which I can't stand, but so what? David Bowie! Hugh Jackman!! Christian Bale!!! I am SO on this flick. IMDB has its release date as October 27, which is really far away, but just in time for my birthday. Hooray!

Happy Belated Birthday(s)...

2006-07-17T13:03:00.000-05:00

Since we're on the subject of birthdays, I came to find out that there were some other birthdays that we really should've been celebrating the last couple days. But thanks to Blogger (Blast you, Blogger!!!), I couldn't post pictures, so these wishes are coming a few days late. The sentiment is still the same, though, boys.

Corey Feldman, who I was absolutely in love with after I saw "Dream A Little Dream," turned 35 yesterday:
Will Ferrell, the funniest man alive, turned 39 yesterday:
Brian Austin Green, aka David Silver, turned 33 on the 15th:
And who is this, you ask?
Shame on you! That's Michael Flatley, aka the LORD OF THE DANCE, walking through flames just for you. He turned 48 yesterday. And he's still the Lord as far as you're concerned, bitches.

Happy Birthday, Gentlemen!

Happy Birthday, David Hasselhoff!!!

2006-07-17T12:56:00.000-05:00

I know you've all missed these hot pictures I've been posting of David Hasselhoff for the last couple of days, but I was right: Blogger couldn't handle the sexy. I tried several times over the last two days to create posts with pictures, and I was brutally rebuffed. And a Hasselhoff post without pictures is like a red carpet without Paris Hilton. It's just impossible. So I saved the best for last:

Happy Birthday, Sexy!!!!!!

May this year be filled with talking cars, loose women and dangerously tight pants. Love you!

What I'm listening to these days...

2006-07-14T19:32:00.000-05:00

Johnny Cash, American V: A Hundred Highways:

This is the Man In Black's first posthumous album thanks to Rick Rubin, and it's one of my favorites of the 5 they collaborated on together. John's voice was definitely starting to go at this point, but there's something about it that makes me love the raspiness in his voice even more than it was strong. It's a beautiful album, and I'm in love with "Rose of My Heart."

Pearl Jam, self-titled:
Oh, it's just so good. Granted, I am a big fan of Pearl Jam's, and have been since their inception, but seriously. It's really good. You should get it, if you haven't already. Best songs: "Life Wasted," "Unemployable," "Big Wave," and "Inside Job."

The Raconteurs, Broken Boy Soldiers:

This CD has been so completely addictive. I am a huge fan of the White Stripes, and if you haven't been living under a rock, you all know that this is Jack White's side project that he's doing. I think he was fully expecting this to be more of an under-the-radar type thing, but no such luck, Jack. Everyone likes you and the music you make, so you're just going to have to get over it. The whole disc is really solid, but definitely turn up the volume on "Broken Boy Soldier," "Level," and "Blue Veins."

Keane, Under the Iron Sea:

All right, so Keane's really starting to make a name for themselves... their songs are in trailers for cheesy movies like "The Lake House," and Zach Braff gave them a shout-out on his website, and they really are great. I have their last CD, Hopes and Fears, and I love it. But this is definitely not unexplored territory here, and frankly, Keane, Radiohead and Coldplay are a few steps ahead of you. But nonetheless, there's still good stuff here. Take a listen to "Is It Any Wonder?" (in my opinion, one of the best songs out right now, period), "Hamburg Song," "Crystal Ball" and "Broken Toy."

KT Tunstall, Eye to the Telescope:

You've probably heard much more of KT Tunstall than you even realize. Her song "Universe & U" was featured prominently on the season finale of "Grey's Anatomy," her song "Black Horse & the Cherry Tree" is EVERYWHERE, I'm told that "Suddenly I See" is featured in The Devil Wears Prada, and "Other Side of the World," "Miniature Disasters," and "Another Place To Fall" are also getting airtime in various places. Plus, she must be good, because they're even selling her CD at Starbucks these days -- not bad for a debut effort, no? And there's no doubt about it, she is a very talented girl. However, that being said, if you've heard these songs that I've mentioned, that's about all you need to hear. The rest of the album is not that fantastic.. it's OK. But I think we'll get more great things from KT Tunstall.

I am now highly anticipating Tom Petty's upcoming release, Highway Companion.

So what are you guys listening to?

Happily Ever After

2006-07-14T14:31:00.000-05:00

Every girl dreams of their wedding day.

Well, in my dream, The Boyfriend will look like this on our wedding day. Sexxxy!!!

You know, there really should be a David Hasselhoff calendar, if there isn't one already. I should look into that for 2007. And on my calendar, July 17th will be a national holiday in honor of the Hoff's birthday.

Knight Rider

2006-07-13T21:07:00.000-05:00

"Hey, ladies...

"It's me, David Hasselhoff. How 'bout I take you for a ride in my little red sports car along the coastline? And when I say 'take you for a ride in my car,' I really mean 'take you for a ride... in my pants.' As you can see, I have an affinity for tight pants. Today they're tight khaki pants. Yesterday, they were tight leather pants. Either way, it's a sure way to get you to focus on my bulging crotch. Is it working for you? I thought it would. C'mon, let's get outta here. It's almost my birthday, and we need to celebrate."

Your daily dose of Hasselhoff

2006-07-12T18:18:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure if Blogger can even handle this much sexy on one page, but I'm going to try...

Those are tight-ass leather pants, friends. Make no mistake about it.

Hasselhoff, get ready. This is going to be your best birthday YET! This week is a celebration of you, my darling...

Best. Shirt. EVAH.

2006-07-11T10:00:00.000-05:00

David Hasselhoff is the MAN.

And don't think I didn't remember that your birthday is coming up on the 17th, Hoff. I am ready to party!!!!

Crazy Eyes

2006-07-06T18:51:00.000-05:00

So, my friends Tracy and Matt just had a baby girl about a month ago. She is absolutely adorable and we're all crazy in love with her. Observe the cuteness firsthand:

However, it is a very good thing that she is cute, because she has her days and nights all mixed up, and Tracy nor Matt have slept in about a month. They are both completely exhausted, and we rarely get to see them because of the whole parenting thing, so that's why it was so exciting when they actually got themselves a babysitter and we all got to go out last Friday.

Unfortunately, we decided to go to a local bar we used to go to all the time. Mind you, it's not a very nice bar. It's quite literally a dive. But we used to all but live there, so we decided to relive the memories of days gone by when we were childless (actually... most of us still are childless)and carefree and go there again. Bad idea. Apparently, new young blood has claimed said bar for its own, and weren't happy about sharing. We were playing pool on the outside deck on one of the two outside pool tables, drinking some beers, and catching up when a bunch of young guys came up and took over the other table. Only a few minutes had passed when one of the guys asked Matt if the guys at our table wanted to play him and his friends for money. Matt told him no, that we were just chilling and not playing seriously, but thanks. But the guy, who was wearing a NY Yankees hat (which was reason enough right there for a beatdown), wouldn't let it go. He was literally harrassing Matt to play for money. Matt started to get really irritated, things got said on both sides by a lot of different people, and then one of Yankee's friends told The Boyfriend: "We're not here to relax and have fun. We got 15 guys here who will kick all your asses." One of Yankee's friends then got in Matt's face and said, "Hey, what's your problem, man?" Matt replied, "Just walk away, Crazy Eyes." This is basically what Crazy Eyes looked like:

Crazy Eyes managed to somehow make his eyes even bigger and said, "What the hell you say to me???" Matt repeated himself, and that's when a lot of pushing and shoving and general chaos ensued. So we left.

Crazy Eyes was still pissed, though, so he followed Matt out to the parking lot and sucker-punched him. As soon as that happened, though, The Boyfriend ran over to Crazy Eyes and punched him right in his crazy face. Hard. That's when 6 police cars rolled up, and Crazy Eyes ran away like the little bitch he is. After we made a statement to the police (who were totally on our side), we were allowed to leave and go home and drink in peace.

*(As a side note, I'd like to just say that I can't believe people actually still engage in fist fights. I guess it's still somewhat acceptable when you're as young as these guys were, but my friends and I are close to, or in our 30s. We're a peaceful people. This was my friends' first night out after having their first baby!! What a debacle.)

Anyway, Tracy just called me and asked what The Boyfriend and I are doing on Saturday night, and if we'd like to come over and drink on their patio while Tracy's mom watches the cute, non-sleeping baby. I said yes. But I'm bring Mace and my brass knuckles this time.

Sorry, Wendy... you're just not a whore.

2006-06-07T23:40:00.001-05:00

Tonight the boyfriend and I happened to catch an old episode of South Park featuring your favorite whore and mine, Paris Hilton. Here's just some of what I missed when it first aired almost 2 years ago:

Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset!

The Da Vinci Cult

2006-05-17T15:21:00.000-05:00

Goddamned peer pressure. I have finally succumbed to the powers that be that tell me Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code" is a modern masterpiece of suspense. So, fine. I'm reading it.

And let me tell you something: I am a literary snob of the highest degree. I hate when I'm reading what everyone else and their pet monkey is reading. I loathe Oprah's book club and the fact that all she has to do is blink in a particular author's direction, and they become an instant millionaire. I think it's great that Oprah has gotten people interested in reading again. However, I have a problem with the cattle-like mindset of America's housewives who are worshipping at the altar of Oprah, and are only picking up these books because Oprah has deemed them worthy. When did all these people stop thinking for themselves???

But I digress.

The underlying point to my rant here is that I, too, caved to the media telling me everywhere I turned that "The Da Vinci Code" is the end-all, be-all, and that I might as well throw myself in front of a speeding bus if I don't read it or see the movie.

So I'm reading it. And I'll admit: it's pretty good. Is it the greatest thing since sliced bread? No. But it's keep my interest, so I guess that's good.

I suppose it could be worse. I could be reading "chick lit." Or worse, it could be something Oprah picked.

Update on An American Haunting

2006-05-06T18:29:00.000-05:00

It SUCKS. Don't see it. I don't remember being this disappointed by a scary movie since Blair Witch 2. Obviously, I'm going to have to go rent Glitter if I want to be scared. That movie was horrifying.

Now I know why Rotten Tomatoes gave it such bad reviews... Maybe I should start listening to reviewers before I go to these things.

This weekend!

2006-05-04T22:00:00.000-05:00

For your viewing pleasure...

The new scary movie, An American Haunting, is opening in theaters everywhere tomorrow. It is apparently based on the true story of the only recorded death caused by a spirit. Just from what I've seen from the previews, I may just shit myself watching this movie, but who knows? I'm just happy we're getting some more scary movies. There's never enough! I'll be sure to give my thoughts after I've seen it.

Speaking of scary movies, who has seen "Hostel"? I have avoided seeing it, because I have heard it's over the top gory, and frankly, I don't want to start barfing just from watching a movie. If you've seen it, tell me if you think I can handle it.

Beautiful iPod, ender of awkward conversations...

2006-05-01T16:25:00.000-05:00

While doing an internet search for pictures of Molly Ringwald for my previous post, I stumbled across this fun blog: This Fish Needs a Bicycle. I've read through a few of her posts, but I especially liked "(Not) Waiting for Guillermo" -- mostly because I thought I was the only one who had random creepy guys want to come up and talk to me, even after I believe I've made it abundantly clear that I don't want to make a new stalker/friend.

I really like this girl's style of writing -- check it out if you get the chance.

And to all you creepy guys out there: When a girl essentially ignores you when you start talking to her, i.e. starts text messaging someone, turns up her iPod, spends most of the conversation looking over your head to see if someone can possibly save her, fingers her pepper spray and/or runs away screaming, STOP TALKING. These are all signs she is not interested. Take a hint.

The Triumphant Return of Molly Ringwald

2006-05-01T16:03:00.000-05:00

Tonight!!!

Molly Ringwald is doing a guest spot on one of my most favorite shows, Medium. From what I've seen in the commercials, she plays some lady who is being stalked by some perv who likes to break into her house and kiss her. Saucy! Tune in tonight at 10pm EST.

Local Music Scene

2006-04-26T15:27:00.000-05:00

Hey kids, this here is Laura Cheadle:

I stumbled across her music recently, and I have to say I'm very impressed. Today she announced that she will be at Philly's Tin Angel on Saturday, May 27th. It is my niece's 13th birthday that day, but I am still going to make every effort to get there to see her. If you're in the area, check her out!

(Photo courtesy of Hillary Esquina).

Oh dear, sweet lord...

2006-04-26T09:43:00.000-05:00

It's like watching a train wreck, is it not?

Britney Spears is pregnant again... for real. Didn't she learn her lesson yet? Is Kevin Federline really this attractive? And why in God's name is he so fertile??? Do we seriously need 4 spawns of Federline???

Oh, Britney. I used to love you so much. Now you are careening out of control... I beg of you -- come back from the dark side!!

A picture is truly worth a thousand words...

2006-04-19T22:42:00.000-05:00

... and none of them are good ones.

I'm not really sure who this Gunther person is (aside from being the self-described Pleasureman), but according to amazon.com, he is looking to "sexualize the world." Perhaps most amazing, though, is Gunther's accomplishment of earning three #1 hits in Sweden. I'll tell ya, those crazy Swedes and their Ding-Dong songs...

Just so we're clear, this might be one of the most unintentionally funny things I've ever seen.

First Daughter

2006-04-18T20:58:00.000-05:00

Behold! The spawn of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes has been born today -- a little girl named Suri.

I'm actually surprised there was only one kid in there. Have you seen these pictures of Katie Holmes from just a week or so ago?? That stomach was disturbing, to say the least.

But I digress. Welcome to the world, little Suri. May your Scientology lessons be fruitful, your soccer games well-attended, your veneers shiny and bright, your couch-jumping plentiful, and your lip-biting activity ever-present. God -- er, L. Ron Hubbard -- bless.

PS -- An ironic twist of fate: Brooke Shields had her second baby girl today, named Grier Hammond. Good luck with that post-partum, girls. Especially you, Katie!

File under: Huh?

2006-04-11T22:23:00.000-05:00

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard announced today that they are engaged, and are expecting a baby. I don't know why that's strange to me, but it is. I know they've been together a long time and all, but they've always been such a private couple... so I guess I was surprised to see their very public announcement today. But that's cool. Get your baby on, kids. And your shotgun wedding. Congrats!

"I have a very fulfilling life!"

2006-04-10T10:58:00.000-05:00

The boyfriend and I went to Borders yesterday to look for some CDs... instead of finding what I was looking for, I found the 40-Year-Old Virgin in the flesh... and trying to pick me up.

Virgin: Can I ask your opinion on something?
me: (looking over his shoulder to see if the boyfriend is in sight) Ummm... I guess...
Virgin: I'm looking for a CD for my brother for his birthday, and he used to be into the Dead. Any suggestions for something more modern?
me: Well... I would go with Phish.
Virgin: He doesn't like Phish. He thinks they ripped off the Dead. Now he likes Tony Bennett, if you can believe that.
me: Hmm... yeah, I don't know. I can't think of anything for a Dead/Tony Bennett transition.
Virgin: Are you a musician?
me: Me? No.
Virgin: Well, you could've fooled me. You look like one.
me: Oh. Thanks.
Virgin: I'm a musician. I compose some things for the local theater shows.
me: Oh, cool.
Virgin: What music are you looking for?
me: Oh, just a CD that they don't have.
Virgin: Well, what music do you listen to? Maybe I could get that for my brother.
me: Listen... my boyfriend is a big Dead fan... why don't I ask him for his opinion?
Virgin: Oh... uh, OK. Well, I'll be in the cafe if you want to meet me there.
me: Right.

Then he actually winked at me as he was walking away!!! Oh, my god, I get skeeved out just thinking about it. So I ran over to the boyfriend to relay all this to him. His response? "Do you want me to beat him up?" Um, no. Sweet, but no. I explained his uncanny likeness to the 40-Year-Old Virgin, and the boyfriend started laughing.

Do you think that actually works for this guy? I was so weirded out, I just wanted to run away!

The Sultan of Spin

2006-04-08T13:41:00.000-05:00

"Michael Jordan plays ball. Charlie Manson kills people. I talk."

The boyfriend and I went to see "Thank You for Smoking" last night. I had heard a lot of good things about it, but I wasn't expecting to love it as much as I did. It's been a long time since I've seen satire done so well. And Aaron Eckhart... well, I've loved his acting since "In The Company of Men" -- and he's easy on the eyes, so that works too. See it.

New stuff!

2006-04-05T22:11:00.000-05:00

I went on a little bit of a shopping bender yesterday, but I got some great things... check it out:

Sia, Colour The Small One: I didn't even know that Sia had released a full-length CD. I had looked awhile back when she did the song "Breathe Me" that was featured in the series finale of "Six Feet Under," but honestly, I never thought to check again. When I saw it in Best Buy yesterday, I picked it up right away. It's very good -- very mellow, but I like it a lot. "Breathe Me" is still a favorite, but so is "Sweet Potato" and "Broken Biscuits." She's got a thing for food, apparently.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah: I've been hearing a lot of buzz about this band in recent months. They're not quite that mainstream yet, but they're starting to gain much more popularity. They were on Conan back in December, and on Letterman a few nights ago (I'm bummed I missed it). But even more disappointing: they're going to be in Philly at the TLA on Friday night, but the show is sold out!! So if anyone out there has a couple extra tickets, give them to me. I will be your friend. As for the CD, I am in love. It hasn't been out of my CD player for 2 days straight. It's very catchy and fun. Some of my favorite songs are: "Let the Cool Goddess Rust Away" and "Upon This Tidal Wave of Young Blood." I highly recommend this one.

Ghostbusters: I know, I know, kind of an old one (22 years old to be exact), but I love this movie, and it's still hilarious. It's a must for the DVD library. I'm surprised it took me this long.

Grey's Anatomy, Season 1: I. Love. This. Show. I'm not kidding. I bought this on Monday, and I have watched 7 out of the 9 episodes on this DVD already. If you don't watch this show (Bree), then you need to get yourself to Blockbuster and rent this and watch from the beginning. You'll be hooked, but you'll thank me later.

David Bowie, Aladdin Sane: I went to listen to this CD the other day, not remembering that my original copy was thought to be stolen back in college. Damn those young, drunken thieves! Anyway, it's one of the best Bowie albums ever, so I needed to replace it. And so it is.

The Boy Who Fell Out of the Sky, by Ken Dornstein: I really can't tell you much about this one yet, as I haven't read it yet. (Busy watching Grey's Anatomy, people. I can only do so much). But it's gotten great professional reviews, and it's also gotten excellent customer reviews, so I have high hopes. True story, too, so that always makes things more interesting.

Next up to be purchased: TV on the Radio, Desperate Youth, Blood Thirsty Babes: This CD was actually released in March of 2004, but they're just finally getting some recognition now that David Bowie has dubbed them his new favorite band, according to the most recent Rolling Stone magazine. So I'm jumping on that bandwagon. They're very different, but in a good way. I like 'em.

I heard third time's the charm, anyway.

2006-04-05T18:33:00.000-05:00

It feels so empty without me...

Eminem has filed for divorce from Kim Mathers... again. You might recall that they reconciled about a year ago, and remarried not even three months ago. Take THAT, Renee Zellweger!

UPDATE: For the life of me, I cannot get "Without Me" out of my head since I posted this hours ago. That's what I get for mocking other people's pain.

Go get you some!

2006-04-03T21:26:00.000-05:00

Run, do not walk, to your nearest Benefit counter and pick up their Dallas blush*. I've been seeing it turn up in more and more fashion magazines as of late, so I caved to peer pressure and bought some yesterday. It is beautiful!! It's a great shade that I really believe anyone could wear.

*Unless you live on the East Coast. It's 10:30 here, and the malls are closed. Go tomorrow, though. First thing.

Donna Martin graduates!

2006-04-03T11:21:00.000-05:00

I hate to even admit this. It goes against everything I have ever stood for in my life, but yet it cannot be denied: I like Tori Spelling's new show on VH1.

Against my better judgment, I tuned in for the first two episodes of "So NoTORIous" last night, and found it smart and funny and I found (sweet lord almighty) Tori Spelling to be somewhat adorable. Sure, it has some cheesy writing. But I thought for the first couple of episodes, it had a lot of potential. It's possible I may be hooked. I might have to go get TiVo so I can watch both that AND Grey's Anatomy on Sunday nights.

Speaking of which, I was a little disappointed in Grey's Anatomy last night, if we're going to be honest. I actually thought Alex had one of the best storylines of the night, which he too often doesn't. And Laurie Metcalf as his dying patient was indescribably good. She made me cry. I thought the storyline about Meredith and her father was kind of... far-fetched and straining for emotion. But I thought that what George said to her father about her was so sweet and so real. And George's story ended up having a great ending to it, when he made a move with Cally. And Cristina kicked ASS at the end of the episode, walking around naked to get George out of the apartment. Brilliant! I absolutely am in girl-love with her character. So I guess, in retrospect, it wasn't a bad episode. But definitely not one of the best. However, if I continue to find such joy in "So NoTORIous," I may have some scheduling conflicts. What to do, what to do...

This is why I use FedEx.

2006-04-03T11:14:00.000-05:00

Poor Dusty. UPS screwed him, and screwed him good. But if nothing else, the greatest complaint letter of all time came out of it, so he's got that going for him. Which is nice.

The Minus 5... minus me.

2006-03-30T11:21:00.000-05:00

The boyfriend was much, much too sick to partake in the Minus 5 festivities last night, so we skipped it altogether. I'm very bummed, but what can you do? So instead, I went out with my friend who was covering a story on karaoke nights in the area, and it was fun to watch people get up and make complete asses out of themselves. Still, you have to give it up for people who have the balls to get up there in the first place, because I certainly wouldn't do it. (I would've needed a lot more alcohol for that).

Next time, Minus 5... next time.

Ryan Reynolds is HOT.

2006-03-29T16:05:00.000-05:00

MySpace, to be clear, definitely scares the hell out of me... however, it makes me happy to know that Ryan Reynolds has a MySpace site, so I might have to spend more time over there. From what I can tell, it seems like it really is him. Thanks to Trent over at Pink Is the New Blog for the heads-up!

What's going on...

2006-03-29T14:51:00.000-05:00

So much to talk about!!!

First and foremost, tonight is the night I've been waiting for: The Minus 5 will be performing tonight at World Cafe Live. Peter Buck and crew will be rocking our pants off starting at 7:30pm... there is a bit of a concern, though. The boyfriend seems to have contracted some sort of flu/cold/what-have-you, and that may put a damper on things. To make things worse, the tickets are under his name at the will-call. Dammit!! (But I hope you feel better, honey, I really do!)

What else have I got for you, you might ask? Pick up this month's Philadelphia magazine to get the skinny on everyone's salaries in the Philadelphia area. It is sick what some people make in this town! Did you know that Cecily Tynan, the meteorologist for Channel 6 news, makes $625,000 a year?? Jim Gardner, the anchor, makes $2.1 million a year! That's crazy... I really wish I'd tried a little harder when I was involved in journalism now. ;-) I should just get a job taking tickets for SEPTA -- they make approx. $62,000. I really like Philly mag (I should, I interned there), but I found this issue to be especially good. It's the first one in a long time that I read cover to cover, so be sure to pick it up.

Also, I have a brand-new website obsession... I definitely stayed up until 2:30 in the morning just to look through a bunch of their archives, but it was worth it. You must check out Found -- I'm sure many of you have heard of it before or are familiar with it, but if you're not, it's definitely worth checking out. The concept is simple -- notes or photos or whatever that people have found, scanned, and sent into the website. Essentially, it's picking up trash and posting it on the internet, but some of the notes and photos found are heartbreaking, and some are absolutely hilarious. Make sure you take a look! I added it to my blog roll.

I added By The Morning's Light to my blog roll, too, for a couple of reasons. First of all, because Bree is my girl and she's the only one who comments on my site, even though I happen to know for a fact I have other lurkers out there! ;-) But aside from that -- and much more importantly than that, I really enjoy her blog and find it very interesting, entertaining and funny. Definitely stop by to see what she's up to on a weekly-or-so basis. Bree's as unpredictable at this posting gig as I am! ;-)

I think that's all I got... enjoy!

The vacation in review...

2006-03-27T20:49:00.000-05:00

Ugghh... going back to work today was like torture! Do you ever notice it's so much harder to get up to go to work in the morning after you've been on vacation? It doesn't matter if you went backpacking through Europe or if you just sat around the house for a week, you still feel exhausted when it's time to go back. It's times like these where I wish I was independently wealthy, or born into money, or that I won the lottery, or that I was Paris Hilton. No, scratch that last one. I'll never wish that.

Vacation was so fun... I'm so sorry that I ever semi-complained about being bored that first day or so. The week ended up being a blur. The boyfriend and I went to Atlantic City for a few days and had such a blast. We didn't win anything, of course, but at least we broke even. There was plenty of other fun stuff, too, but that was definitely the highlight (going, not breaking even). There was definitely too much alcohol imbibed over the course of the week, but oh well.

(Sigh)... this might be the most boring post I've ever made... sorry...

This is no longer a vacation. This is a quest for fun.

2006-03-20T17:59:00.000-05:00

After month upon month of madness, and dealing with people like this, I am finally, and officially, on VACATION!!!! Woo-hoo!

On Wednesday, the boyfriend and I will be taking the Family Truckster for the trek down to Atlantic City to try our hand at some blackjack and some Elvis slots. Until then, I don't have a lot going on. I was thinking at first how nice it would be to actually have nothing to do. Perhaps it was the amount of coffee I had this morning, and the fact that I couldn't sit still after awhile, but I realized that I am bored. Say what you will about work, but at least it's something to do. I did some laundry, actually did some long-past-due cleaning, visited my sister, and watched a movie ("In Her Shoes" -- hence, I totally lifted that EE Cummings poem from the movie). Then I emailed everyone I know and called the boyfriend and other various friends at work to harrass them about them having to work, and rubbing it in that I'm on vacation.

Then my one friend nailed me: "It can't be that fun of a vacation, if you're calling to chat with me at work."

Damn. She's right.

I have no idea what to do with myself until Wednesday. Since when did I become so antsy???

I Carry Your Heart With Me

2006-03-20T15:48:00.000-05:00

--By EE Cummings

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it
(anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which
grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Up your nose with a rubber hose

2006-03-15T19:38:00.000-05:00

This is totally unacceptable: Ice Cube will be playing the title character in the film remake of "Welcome Back, Kotter."

OK, let's talk about some very serious issues with this.... first of all, please understand that I am a HUGE "Welcome Back, Kotter" fan. When Best Buy released a six-episode DVD of "Kotter," I just about peed myself with excitement. I was there when the doors opened on the day it was released. I wish I was kidding, but sadly, it's true. But it is classic! So is nothing sacred anymore? I understand that Hollywood has no fresh ideas for original movies, so they have to make film versions of shows that, let's face it, weren't all that good to begin with -- just campy. But "Kotter" really was a quality show. If you watch it now, it's still funny. Oh, god, it makes me sick!! You just KNOW they're going to ruin it!!

Secondly, Ice Cube? Nothing against Mr. Cube -- I actually think he's great -- but Mr. Kotter he most certainly is NOT. All due respect, Ice, but I know Mr. Kotter -- and you, sir, are no Mr. Kotter.

And who, I demand of you, could possibly play Vinnie Barbarino besides a young, virile, pre-Scientology, pre-sideburns, pre-Battlefield Earth John Travolta?? No one. No -- don't even try to suggest anyone. There's no one. If I find out that Ashton "Dufus" Kutcher is in negotiations for that role, I'm taking his ass out. I'm not kidding.

Oh, and lastly: If Jessica Simpson is tied into this project in any way, shape or form, I am quitting LIFE.

As a sidebar, however, I'd like to wage guesses on which other old TV shows will soon be turned into bastardized versions of themselves in film form:
1) Knight Rider -- C'mon. That show's just asking for Ben Stiller to remake it.
2) Three's Company -- I can assure you, Jessica Simpson is a front-runner for Chrissy/Cindy.
3) Perfect Strangers -- It couldn't get any worse
4) Punky Brewster -- Guaranteed cameo from Soleil Moon Frye
5) Falcon Crest -- Why not? They're doing Dallas.
6) My Two Dads -- Remember that?? Wow, I just surprised myself with that one!
7) Happy Days -- I don't know, it just seems obvious.

Those are my lucky #7... anyone else care to take a guess?

Fun at work

2006-03-14T23:15:00.000-05:00

Today I left a phone message for a client named Brigitte -- the following is the phone call that transpired as a result of that message.

Me: Hi, this is Rocksteady, how may I help you?
Lady: Yes, Rocksteady, you left a message earlier for Brigitte?
Me: Yes! Is this Brigitte?
Lady: No. There's no Brigitte here.
Me: Oh. I'm sorry to have bothered you-
Lady: What number did you call?
Me: Ummm... I actually don't have the number right in front of me... but it's OK, don't worry about it.
Lady: Well, I'm trying to help you. You might just be off by one digit. Why don't you just tell me what number you're trying to call?
Me: Well, I don't have the number in front of me, but really, it's no big de-
Lady: Look, I'm trying to help you. Is this what happens when someone tries to do a good deed anymore??? Why are you being so difficult??
Me: I'm sorry, I don't mean to be difficult... I just don't have my paperwork in front of me for that particular client right now...
Lady: Well, I guess this is what I get for trying to be helpful. I thought I might try to be of help to you, but it's obvious you just don't want any help.
Me: Well, I appreciate the call...
Lady: Yeah, sure. I'll bet you do. (Slams phone down in my ear).

Sigh...

Family -- the only ones to depend on.

2006-03-13T14:13:00.000-05:00

The Sopranos are back!

Last night began Season Six, and there was a lot going on. Ray Curto's dead, so's Gene, Hesh and Eli got jumped, and Eli almost killed by a hit and run, and Tony got shot in the stomach by a raving Uncle Junior. This was just one episode!! I'm telling you, this is going to be one of, if not the best seasons for the Sopranos. I can't wait until next week!!!

Overheard at the mall

2006-03-07T19:20:00.000-05:00

Toolbag #1: Yo, that girl was hot.
Toolbag #2: What girl?
TB #1: The girl who just passed us.
TB #2: (Turns and looks). Daaaaaamn...
TB #1: You wanna follow her?
TB#2: OK.

Kung Fu Hustle

2006-03-06T00:01:00.000-05:00

We rented the weirdest movie EVER last night -- behold, "Kung Fu Hustle":

We couldn't find anything else we were all that interested in seeing, and I was denied my request to rent "Waiting..." again. The boyfriend pointed out "Kung Fu Hustle" and asked if I'd heard anything about it. One of my very best guy friends had gone to see it when it first opened in NYC, and he had told me that it was OK, which is what I relayed to the boyfriend. For lack of better options, we went for it.

I can't even say for sure that I hated it. It was just so... absurd. It was extremely visually stimulating, and there were some isolated funny parts. But it was unbelievably odd. I don't know how else to describe it. I guess... view at your own risk.

Even more disturbing: there's a sequel in the works.